DONE

I am officially done with this semester!!

I'm so ready for my break. I am SO BURNT OUT. This semester was so much fun, and I can't believe half of my freshman year is already over. But at the same time, I'm so excited for the next few months of my life. I'm getting moved up to being a server when I get home at work, my birthday and work Christmas party are on Sunday, Christmas is in a week and a half, and when I get back next semester I'm going to have great (and easy) classes and my Orientation Leader stuff officially begins! My life is only going up from here.

I have a confession to make though. I saw Bob on the last day of classes. It was a coincidence, I didn't plan to. But our paths cross on the way to our classes at one (well...the classes we used to have at one) and I was running late last Wednesday and we saw each other. But thats not the best part. He said hey. What possessed him to speak to me, I'll never know. But I'm going to OFFICIALLY be done with him. I still have his CDs and he's still in my phone. So when I leave today, I'm trashing the discs and deleting the number. I don't think about him often, but I still do and thats going to stop. He's one of the things I'm looking forward to getting rid of from this semester.

In other news, the only grade I have gotten back from my exams is Biology, and that was an 88! Best test grade I ever got in that class! As soon as I hear back from my other professors, I'll be blogging. None of my tests were even that difficult though, so I'm honestly not all that worried about any of them. Including Oceanography.

Other than all of that, I'm about two-thirds done packing. Since I'm not completely moving out, I'm leaving some of my stuff behind. But all my clothes and toiletries and things like that have to come with me, and I've run out of suitcase space. When my mom gets here in the next hour she'll have another suitcase for me to finish.

I'm just so incredibly excited for my life right now. Things are really looking up from here on out. And you know what the best thing is? None of it is about a guy. I used to not feel content with my life unless I had some guy that either liked me or I liked him. But I feel fully complete. And thats a good feeling.

The only thing thats missing right now is food in my belly.

Adventure in Wilmington

Now playing: Justin Bieber - Mistletoe
                       Michael Buble - The Christmas Song

So Anna text me earlier with the great idea of going to Olive Garden for dinner. She said she would pay, so of course I was all for it. The only thing is that neither of us have cars. So we talked to everyone we thought might come with a car, and when they said they couldn't come we asked to borrow their car. All of them turned us down, so we decided to try using the city bus. We managed to make it to Olive Garden with no harm, except maybe being a little chilled. We had a delicious dinner and it was really nice. Then we realized we had to figure out how to get home.

I looked up a few things on my phone and figured out there was a bus stop right down the street. The next pick up was at 9:21, which meant by the time we got there, we still had 20 minutes to wait. There wasn't anywhere open for us to wait inside and there wasn't a bench at the stop, so we had to wait outside on the hard ground. Then it dawned on me: what if the bus didn't come this late? The website said the buses stop running at 9:30. My heart rate picked up and I rocked back and forth on the ground, praying to God that the bus would show up. I was filled with warmth a few minutes later as my prayer was answered and a bus stopped right in front of us and opened the door. I jumped up and down with glee. But my joy was short-lived. "Y'all know I can't take you anywhere but the Grand Central Station, right?" The bus driver's words punctured my happiness and I felt it drain slowly from me like air from a pierced balloon. She told us that they buses really stop delivering people to stops at 8:30 and everything shuts down at 9:30. Anna and I boarded the warm bus that would take us no where anyway. Anna called her roommate and I called my suitemate frantically to beg for a ride, but all I really wanted to do was call my mom and cry. I was so scared we would be stuck waiting outside the bus station for an hour or longer on someone to come get us, or even worse that no one would be able to come. My fear was deepened when Kelly said she couldn't come get us.

Finally, hope was restored when Kelly called us back and said she was on her way. I thanked God profusely, and ten minutes later I was sitting in a warm car on the way home, laughing at how stupid Anna and I were and swearing I would never take the bus again.

So I guess the moral of this story is that if you decide to use public transportation, make sure you understand how it works.

What an adventure.

Classes are Ovah!

I'm finally officially done attending classes for the semester! I'm so excited to be done with Biology and Oceanography. I'm going to miss Theatre though.

In other news, my first Orientation Leader meeting is today!!! I'm leaving in about twenty minutes. I'm so excited! Today we're just eating dinner and learning everyone's names really. We'll probably talk a little about what to expect and sign some contracts. I'm just really excited to get started.

I'm not looking forward to my Biology exam on Friday. At all. But who ever looks forward to any exam? Show me this person so I can proceed to slap them in the face (which I wouldn't do because 1. this person does not exist, and 2. I'm very anti-violence). Anyway, I have studied for it so I think I'll do fine. I need to do really, really well to save my grade in that class. I'll be praying pretty hard for the next few days.

That's pretty much it. I usually like to finish my posts with a solid ending sentence or two, but I'm too hungry to come up with something clever so you'll just have to deal with this.

Not Much Going On

I wish not much was actually going on. I feel like I have so much to do that my brain is overloaded and I can't actually accomplish anything. I have a final coming up on Friday, then ones Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and instead of studying after class today I took a two and a half hour nap.

What I meant by "not much going on" is that not much interesting is going on. Since finals are upon us, the student body has withdrawn themselves and actually buckled down to study. Joy.

I'm sitting at CCM right now because I'd rather study here than in my dorm and the library is just out of the question this time of the school year. Apparently, and I haven't seen this for myself yet, the library is like a wild jungle. When upperclassmen talk about Randall during the finals period, I always find myself picturing a Mean Girls-esque scene. You know, the part at the end when all the girls are going wild with rage in the hallways and Cady blinks to get rid of the image but she can't because its really happening. A girl this morning compared finding an outlet for your laptop charger to Black Friday shopping and everyone says its literally impossible to sit at a table at all. Don't even think about using a computer. And people are so desparate to study that they lay down all over the floors and there's no where to walk.

I imagine most college campuses experience similar library horrors. As for me, I don't want to deal with that. So here I am at CCM, blogging instead of studying.

In other news, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN TWELVE DAYS!! I'm so excited. I will finally be 18. No more pretending I forgot my ID to get into the club. I'll get to buy lottery tickets and buy stuff off TV commercials. And best of all, when my mom tells me to do something, I'll be able to say no and that I'm an adult and don't have to listen to her! HA. Yeah right, she'd whip my tail till I bled.

Before I go, I'm going to introduce a new "feature" of my blog. If I'm listening to music while I blog, I'm going to tell you what it is. So here I go!

Now playing: Demi Lovato - Give Your Heart a Break

Yay! That was fun!

Okay, off to study! PEACE.

Impossible?

Why does this boy diet seem so impossible??

I seriously never realized how much I think about boys until I tried to stop. This is ridiculous.

I am getting better though. Sort of. Maybe that's just because I don't actually have any specific guy in my life. Which is stupid, because then as soon as some guy wants to date me I'm going to hop right on that. Bad! Bad Olivia!

In other news, I was told something really exciting today. Buuuut you can't know for another month and a half. Well, you could if I wanted to tell you, but its a secret! Muahahaha.

Also, I found out I will be going home for the semester on the 14th. I'm so excited for this semester to be over. As much as I love Wilmington, I'm EXHAUSTED.

Well...I guess that's all. So...bye.

Breakthrough

A huge part of the college experience is figuring out who you are. I'm slowly doing just that.

All I really want to say is that I had a huge breakthrough tonight. I realized that I honestly don't have to be beautiful and I can stop trying and worrying about it. Because I am good, and God loves me.

That's my new mantra. I am good, and God loves me.

You should try it. I feel better already.

Its been too long

It really has been. I didn't blog at all during the break because...well I just really didn't feel like it or have anything to say. I was in Florida with my family and I don't think you guys want to hear about that drama. And if you do, well too bad, because it has nothing to do with this blog.

Anyway.

I've been feeling really bitter lately. I'm not sure if its because the semester has stressed me out so much and I'm ready for it to be over, if I expected to be relaxing during the break and I only did that about a fourth of the week, if my boy diet is actually producing the opposite effect on me, or if school has really changed me that much. I honestly think its a combination of the first two.

I'm working on that. When I can tell my face is frowning, I try to get a really upbeat pop song in my head to make my face soften. I just don't want people around campus to look at me and think I'm stuck up.

Other than that, I'm just freaking out about finals. I'm slowly entering an I'm-so-freaked-out-I-can't-do-anything phase. Again. Hopefully it will pass. We only have classes until next Wednesday, then exams are the week after that.

Pray for me.

Tick tock...

I love having my laptop during class. Just saying.

Oh my goodness, I'm ready for this class to be over. As soon as 10:45 hits, I'm out the doors. I have to speed back to my dorm and throw all my stuff in bags, then I'm going home, then we're all going to Florida! Its supposed to be 80 degrees and sunny all week. You can believe that I'm going to be outside tanning and swimming in my grandma's neighbors' pool.

I'm so excited to see my family and EAT delicious food.

I just have to make it forty-five more minutes. I can do it.

GOOD NEWS!

I can't even type this calmly enough to build up to it.

I'M AN ORIENTATION LEADER!!!

I got it! I got the job! I'm so incredibly excited, and its been a whole 24 hours since I received the acceptance email.

I'm so happy. There were so many people that applied, and they picked me. I made it. I wanted this so badly, and I'm SO happy. We have our first meeting on December 7. I can't WAIT.

I'm not sure if I've even really explained what an OL is to you guys. Basically, we lead orientation groups for freshman and transfer orientations. We go through extensive training all next semester because we have to know everything there is to know about this school. I had a lot of fun at my orientation, and it was so informative, so I want to be able to do that for students coming to school here next year. Plus, we get paid. A lot. So I'll ge to have fun, do something useful with my time, AND get paid?! Yes, yes, and HECK YES.

More good news, I made some new friends and hung out with them last night. The girls in Alyssa's new suite on the floor below me. They're really cool. I spent the night with them last night, even though my room is literally just one floor up. And at breakfast this morning they asked if I would be hanging out with them again. Maybe now I won't just sit in my room anymore on Friday nights like I was going to do last night.

Today I'm working on homework. I just finished writing a review for theatre and now I'm going to work on my biology lab paper and presentation. So. Much. Fun. But its going to be okay. I just have to get through the next few days, then its off to the sunshine state for Thanksgiving food and fun with my family! I'm so excited.

I really feel like I'm in a good place right now. I'm just happy.

Crazy People

So apparently there's a gunman/gunmen loose on campus.

Yes, I'm serious.

Yes, I'm freaking out.

No, I'm not going to sleep anytime soon.

Gymming it up

I am so proud of myself. I FINALLY made it to the gym tonight! Shaniqua and I did the Awesome Abs class. Whatta burn. But I feel really, really good now. I'm going to start going at least three times a week. Its most likely going to be Monday, Tuesday and Thursday when I go. I'm really excited.

Funny story: When we walked into the gym, I realized one of the guys at the front desk's name tag said 'Smiley.' When we were leaving, I asked him if that was he real name. He said, "Yeah" with a laugh, and added, "Guess what my last name is." My response: "...Face!" *cue the laughter and wild applause* I was pretty proud of myself in that moment. He and the other fronk desk workers laughed, then he responded and said, "Actually, its Happy." Smiley Happy. "Your parents are awesome," I said. This moment was also funny, because for a second he looked really confused as if he was thinking, "Wait, how does she know my parents?!" Then he caught on and laughed again.

He was actually really attractive. And his smile was beautiful. But, boy diet. Anyway, Shaniqua and I both agreed that he was more attractive after we learned his name is Smiley Happy.

So anyway, I'm finally going to get on top of my new school year goal of working out more and getting in shape! Excitement.

Also, I'm SO SO SO SO excited to get tomorrow over with. My dad and my sister are coming to pick me up tomorrow night after my lab and I'm going home because THE TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT IS WEDNESDAY!!! I've been waiting for this since spring when Alex and I bought our tickets! I'm so ready. SO ready.

So this week is going to be good. And next week is going to be amazing! Thanksgiving...YES. Favorite holiday, not kidding. Plus we're going to Florida and I get to see my grandparents and cousins. And we get to go Black Friday shopping in Gainesville, which is the town that plays host to the University of Florida (Gators...my grandparents are diehard Seminole fans, but UF is forty-five minutes away and Gainesville is AWESOME, while Tallahassee is a few hours away and...well I've never been there so I don't know if its great or not. I'm assuming it is, but I honestly wouldn't know).

Point of the story: The next few weeks are going to be great. I'm so exhausted. I desparately need a break.

Major Changes

The title is a bit of a pun. In one way, I mean that I'm literally changing my major. In the other way, I mean I had a huge epiphany yesterday and had a major change occur inside of me.

I want to be an actress, and I'm changing my major to performance theatre.

Its all part of the college experience to discover who you are. I've always felt like I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to do. I've never had a real "passion" like other people. Something that I did all the time that I loved and knew I wanted to do for a living. But I've always loved acting. And I've always put it to the side because I was under the impression that I couldn't do it. Not that I wasn't talented enough, but that it would just never happen. But yesterday my theatre professor had three guys come in a talk to our class about acting (he's already had a set designer and two directors come in. He's just trying to show us different aspects of theatre). One of the speakers is an acting professor at the school. The other two are his friends, and they're actually famous guys. Like, they're on IMDb and everything (Tony Reynolds and Shon Blotzer. Look them up. I talked to them. They know me. We're cool. Yeah, you jelz). Anyway, as they were talking about how they came to be actors, especially Shon whose situation is a lot like mine (always loved it but didn't think it was possible), I realized that I've been fooling myself for a long time. For so many years I told myself to forget about it and that it wouldn't work so there was no point in trying. But yesterday I saw that it was possible. And I realized how badly I wanted it. After class, me and two other students in the class stayed back and talked to the guys for a bit. Tony told us that what we need to be doing now is getting a reel together and building our resumes. That's what I plan on doing. I'm going to try to get in some student films and audition for plays. I'm going to do this.

Then I had to tell my mom. She wasn't happy, but I told her its what I love and what I want to do with my life, and I can't imagine being truly happy any other way. She reluctantly agreed to the major switch, but said she would need some time to get used to the idea. She's just worried about me getting too caught up in the business and changing too much and becoming anorexic or something. But I'm stronger than that.

I don't even have to become famous. Thats what I used to want when I was younger. I wanted to act so I could be famous. But not anymore. I just want to act for the art of it.

Lucky Day...

I definitely thought today would just be a universally good day. It's 11/11/11 for crying out loud.

I was wrong.

This morning, I woke up at 7:56. I have calculus at 8:00. Then on the way back, I decided to get a bagel and hot tea. I had to be quick though because I had an online biology test starting at 9:00. Of course there was a line. And I struggled on the way back because I was trying to ride my bike and hold my hot tea in my hand at the same time. I'd spilled about half of it on my pants and on my hand by the time I got back to my dorm, and it was really, really hot. THEN I was about five minutes late to start my test, which is five minutes I don't get made up to me. And not only was that the hardest test of my life, but I also had to rush through it to make sure I got to answer all the questions. I made a 68. That's a D (thank God for the 10 point grading scale, else that would be failing).

I'm hoping that this is just the storm before the rainbow. Maybe this afternoon my day will turn around. I sure hope so. Cause right now I feel like crap.

Interview Butterflies

I'm leaving for my individual interview for Orientation Leader in a few minutes. I'm nervous. But I honestly think I'm just telling myself I'm supposed to be nervous and that's why I'm nervous. Don't get me wrong, I want to be an OL so badly it's crazy. But I don't feel truly nervous. Not yet anyway. I probably will be when I get to the place and they call me in. But if I'm not nervous, I'll be myself. And if I'm myself, I feel like I have a great chance of getting hired. Everyone has told me that I'll make the best OL. Even my RA said I have a really good chance.

So what's there to be nervous about? That's what my mom said too. Before I got off the phone with her earlier, she told me not to be nervous, because who wouldn't want me as an OL? (That sounds cocky, but that's what my mom said, not me!) Anyway. I am a little nervous, but I think I'll be okay. I was practicing with interview questions online earlier, and I think I did pretty well. I guess we'll just have to see.

Here I go. Wish me luck!

Boy Diet...yeah.

This is harder than I thought.

Honestly, there are SO MANY BOYS HERE. I'm not used to being surrounded by...well, people who don't suck, to be completely honest. My hometown is full of rotten eggs. I now live in a flower bed. What am I supposed to do??

It is hard. I've made some different guy friends that have definite potential to be something...but then I remind myself of the diet. Plus, my friend made a good point the other day. Most guys come to college having either just gotten out of relationships (cough cough Bob), are still in relationships, or don't want to be in relationships because they're experiencing the same shock I am (aka being surrounded by beauty in the opposite sex). But then again, that really only applies to freshman and possibly sophomores, and one of the guys is a junior and he's super nice and I go to church with him which makes it even better...

STOP, OLIVIA. Goodness. I'm really bad at this.

After Bob turned out to be someone I never expected him of all people to be, I was really starting to lose faith in the male species (yes, species). But I've gotten to know one of the guys in a few of my classes and he's such an amazing person. He's head over heels in love with his girlfriend back home, so I'm not interested in him or anything (although my cousin Madison said "girlfriends are speed bumps, not roadblocks" and my suite mate Kenzie said "just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score"...such good influences). But anyway, and when I make this list I want you all to understand that I honestly don't have feelings for him I'm literally just describing him, he's so freaking sweet and a lot of fun to be around and really smart. He's sensitive and he just absolutely lights up when he talks about his girlfriend. And he's attractive! He's the kind of guy every girl hopes every guy really is deep down inside. And just knowing that guys like him exist renews my hope in the whole species. There are guys like that out there. And while knowing this can be a good thing, but at the same time now I want every guy to be like him. Soooo I don't know how to handle myself at this point.

Anyway, I got a B on my second oceanography exam! Studying pays off. Its a low B, which was disappointing, but (and this is going to sound really awful...because it is really awful) Kenzie did worse than me and that made me feel a little better...I felt really bad for her because I know how disappointing her grade can be (she made the exact same grade I made on the first test), but at the same time I felt really bad last time when she did better than me and I get SUPER competitive, especially about grades...I know, I'm a horrible person! Anyway. I did okay. And after extra credit, I'll have an A! Excitement.

I also registered for classes today! There's one day that I'll have to wake up for an eight-o-clock class, which is Wednesday. On Tuesday and Thursday, I don't have class until eleven. On Monday and Friday, I don't have class until noon. WHO'S EXCITED. I'M EXCITED. I'm so sick of waking up super freaking early every day. Then I only have one day where I'll have class late, and that's Thursday because of a lab from 3:30 to 6:20. That's the latest. Other than that its 1:50 on MWF and 3:15 on TR. I'm really happy with my schedule. The only thing I was disappointed about was the fact that the improv class, the ONE class that I was STOKED to take next semester, was full and at the exact same time I signed up for bio. So I couldn't even have the professor override the capacity either. Disappointing, but I can just take that class next year.

Okay, this has been a long post. I'm going to shower and go to bed now. Goodnight, lovelies!

Busy, Busy Bee

I have so much going on this week. I looked at my planner last night and almost had a panic attack.

Studying for oceanography tonight. Test tomorrow. Register for classes Wednesday. Individual interview for Orientation Leader Thursday. Study for biology between Tuesday and Thursday. Biology test Friday. Second group interview for Orientation Leader Saturday.

And in between all that, plus classes, Wednesday night Mass, and a few other smaller things I have to take care of, I MIGHT have time to breathe.

But! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Saturday starts the 23 hour all night Harry Potter marathon in the on-campus theater!! All eight movies in a row...oh yes. And I might actually be leaving that to go to a birthday party and coming back, I'm just not sure yet if I'm actually invited. I wasn't officially, so I'm confused about that. Anyway, then next Wednesday, I'm finally going with Alex to the TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT we've been waiting for since this summer when it got postponed! I'm so incredibly excited!! And Friday I might actually be going to another concert with my little sister Rachal. Megan and Liz. They have cute, really pop-y music. And the VIP tickets are only twelve bucks since they're still nobodys! Then Alex might be coming back to Wilmy with me for the rest of the weekend. She can't come this weekend because her parents are going out of town and want her to stay at their house. Sad face. Anyway, then after next weekend I'll have Monday and Tuesday, then I'm leaving Tuesday right after oceanography and going to Florida!!! I get to see my grandma, grandpa, and my cousins that I haven't seen since spring break!!! I've been looking forward to Thanksgiving break since the beginning of the school year. You have no idea how incredibly excited I am.

Okay, off to study now! Randall Library, here I come...

Boy Diet?

So as soon as I start my boy diet (I like this name, though sadly I did not come up with it on my own), a guy that I've been just friends with all year starts to show interest in me. So not fair. But I'm going to attempt to hold on to the boy diet, at least for now. It'll be good for me. And if he does care, he'll stick around until I'm done.

We were playing the piano together earlier. Seriously, a guy who can play the piano...SO ATTRACTIVE. Then he asked me to go to his hockey game tonight though. I'm not sure if I should...I mean, it could just be a friendly friend thing and I could just be going to show my completely platonic support. But I don't think he meant it like that, and I'm afraid if I show up he might get the idea that I'm interested. Which I might be if I weren't on a boy diet.

BOY DIET, OLIVIA. BOY DIET.

Moving on to other topics, I have a scary oceanography exam next Tuesday. I started studying Wednesday, but I haven't made it very far on my study guide. I will definitely be touching on that tonight and really hitting it hard tomorrow (no, that was not a dirty joke! Get your mind out of the gutter!). On a more fun note, I'm going to see The Help tonight! I love our on-campus movie theater. Its $2 for a ticket (it was $9 at the movie theater in town where I saw Paranormal Activity 3!), and this movie isn't even out on DVD yet. Or maybe it is and I just don't know it. All I know is its super recent and I've been dying to see it. When you're in college, you will be broke, so I suggest taking advantage of all the super exciting discounts your school offers. They understand that you're broke and really try to help you out.

Later tonight I will post a review on The Help for any of you who have not seen it yet. I will also let you know my decision on the hockey game.

Goodness. Such complications. Life...SMH.

Goodbye, Bob

Yes, you read the title correctly. I ended our so-called "friendship" today.

He actually text me and asked about going to lunch today, noting the fact that its been a while since we'd seen each other last. So, after the time we usually meet, I text him back and said, "It has been a while. But I'm eating my own lunch, thanks." After asking if I was mad at him, I basically said that I don't appreciate being used. Even if he didn't realize it, he was using me to fill that void that being out of a relationship left. He did say he and his ex aren't getting back together, but obviously that doesn't mean they're not still hanging out and hooking up. He can't have us both.  Although we really were only going to lunch together and thats the only time we saw each other or talked at all, I don't want to be friends with someone who treated me like that. And I didn't let anything he said about my friendship meaning so much to him change my mind.

And I feel good.

So the moral of this very convoluted, unpredictable story is: be careful who you trust. People don't always turn out to be who you think they will. Especially boys. They'll tell you anything to get what they want.

As for Bob and I...lets just say I hope we both live happier ever after.

I think I will.

THE END.

Problem and Solution

I figured out my problem. I'm looking for a boyfriend. As many times as I told myself I wasn't looking to date anyone, I was just coming to college and I was going to hang out and have fun, the bottom line is that I was looking for a boyfriend. Any time I go anywhere, I'm looking. In class, when I go out, when I leave town, in the cafeteria, walking around campus. It doesn't matter where I am, I'm always on the lookout.

That's bad.

So from now on, I'm going to stop looking and falling and obsessing. I'm going to hang out, make friends, and just chill. I don't need a boy to be happy. And I can't believe I've told my friends that so many times and not taken it to heart.

My name is Olivia and I am boy crazy. But I'm going to change that starting right now.

Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

There are pictures of Bob on his Facebook making cute little pumpkins with his ex and having a jolly good time. And in one of them, they're kissing.

Forget friends. Forget lunch. Forget anything. I'm done.

Whatta Bust

So this weekend definitely did not live up to my expectations. I was so pumped to go to a big city (Charlotte is the biggest city in the state!) and have so many options of events to attend and to get dressed up in my costume and go to a Halloween party and have a lot of fun.

We went to a haunted house and watched two scary movies.

What kind of Halloween weekend is that?! On the bright side, I did get to sleep in, which felt nice. But it was just such a waste of gas and so disappointing. The haunted house was really freaking cool, and I met one of Alyssa's friends and she was nice. But that's it.

I really, really hope there's something going on tomorrow night around here. If not, I seriously spent $50 on my costume for NOTHING. And I will be VERY upset.

Disconnected

I have been having such HORRIBLE blogging withdrawals. But I finally got my laptop back today! Thank the Lord God in heaven. Seriously, having my own laptop is SO much easier. I have spent the majority of this past week in the library. Nice place to focus, but really inconvenient.

The main thing that's going on right now is that we're struggling once again to come up with money to keep, me in school. When I was home on Sunday, my dad told me that it was more than likely that I would be home for the spring semester. I was about to have another panic attack right in the middle of the restaurant we were eating. I never had a panic attack before I was told that I couldn't come to school. And now that I've been here, I can't just go back. But I think we're working it out with a loan, so it might turn out fine. I hope. I'm praying about it...hard.

I'm going to Charlotte this weekend with Alyssa (that's where she's from). I'm so excited! We're going to hang out with her friends that go to UNC Charlotte and possibly go see One Republic Saturday night for $15! Hopefully there will be a costume party going on somewhere. I'm going to be Princess Jasmine, which is AWESOME because I'm half Indian. Reppin' it.

Bob and I still go to lunch every other day, but there's nothing there anymore. We don't hang out or even really talk other than that. Its weird sometimes. Its like nothing ever happened. But at the same time, I'm kind of infatuated with this beautiful guy in my theatre class who I've never said two words to and whose head it stuck too far up his own butt that he doesn't even notice I exist...but still. He's GORGEOUS. When I see him, I'm like, "....Bob who? *drool*" Of course, this only happens in my head. I mean, I can control myself a little bit.

I got a B on that lab practical I was freaking out about! I was so scared while she was passing out other papers that I failed or made a D, so my B was definitely welcomed with wide freaking open arms.

Other than that, I'm just really exhausted. I took two tests yesterday, then I went home today for two doctors appointment. And right now I'm just ready to sleep. I feel like I deserve a little bit of that.

I'm so glad to be reconnected now. I've missed doing this.

Embarrassed.

Before I get to the most embarrassing moment of my life, I have a few updates.

I'm currently not using my own laptop. My suite mate accidentally knocked mine off my desk. I have to take it to Office Depot when I go home this weekend (yes, I'm going home again. My friend from work is getting married!) and see if they can fix it. I hope to God they can. Seriously, pray for me. All my stuff is on my laptop. All of it.

Also, last night at CCM, a nun from France was in town. She's the nun in our ministry's boss. And she had a man with her. He was twenty-six and beautiful. And he had the cutest accent. I was swooning. After Mass, all of us there were asking him questions about how things are in France compared to America, how to say things in French, etc. We were talking about why making out is called French kissing (which he didn't know, because they don't call it that in France. "Is just keesing!" he said. So cute) and it was a really funny conversation. He said he thought it might be called that because of the double-cheek kiss thing they do. So before I left, I asked him if we could do the kiss thing that French people do to say bye, to which he replied, "Sure, ve cahn French kees!" We all DIED laughing. Then I "French kissed" him (sadly, I do mean the double-cheek kiss one) and it made me wonder why we don't do that in America because its just so freaking cute.

Moving on. My RA came in to the room when Alyssa (my suite mate...I'm not sure if I've talked about her before) and I were in here just before four. She asked if we wanted to go to an event called Pig Out, and we went with her and a few other people on the hall. Basically there was free food and they were giving away some free stuff (including t-shirts!). It was really an excuse for organizations on campus to provide fun little games to play while informing us of services offered to students. Anyway, there was one of those huge blow up obstacle courses that you always see on TV but never in real life. I've ALWAYS wanted to go through one of those obstacles. Then one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen (he's a cop on campus. I see him all the time and every time I do, my heart melts just a little...) came over with drunk goggles for people to race with. We all thought it would be funny. So I raced this girl with drunk goggles on and it was a lot of fun.

Another girl came up a few minutes later and said she wanted to go but didn't have a racing partner, so I said I'd race her. I put on the other pair of goggles, which apparently were the "more drunk" goggles, and I could tell immediately that they were. I felt completely disoriented before I even walked anywhere yet. The hot cop told us that he wanted us to sprint to the blow up thing and dive into the tunnel. So he spun me around a few times (OMGOMGOMG his hands were all over me...well my shoulders) and I took off running. I almost didn't make it into the tunnel. I fumbled through the course, barely made it out alive and on top of that lost the race. There was a crowd of people watching as I ran back towards them. I was swaying back and forth, then all of a sudden I felt something hard against my big toe, and the next thing I know I'm laying on my back staring at the sky above me with a chorus of "Oohhhhhh"'s resounding from the crowd. I started laughing, because really it was funny and I'm not too easily embarrassed, and threw my hands up in victory from the ground. Before I could even catch my breath and get the goggles all the way off my face, the hot cop was standing over my offering me his hands. He helped me up and I walked back towards everyone, avoiding his eyes but laughing so I didn't look awkward. I shook it off and no one said anything to me. But I kind of wish they would have so I could at least make a joke about it. Even after I had taken the goggles off and gotten back to where my RA was standing, I still felt so dizzy. She took me over to the side a little and we sat down together (she is so awesome) while she giggled and told me she wished she had a camera with her. On the plus side, maybe now the hot cop will recognize me around campus...

Needless to say, I will probably never ever get that drunk. Ever. And if I do, I probably won't race anyone through an inflatable obstacle course.

P.S...

I posted that, then realized that I didn't end with a moral. I know, I know, how could I forget to teach the lesson??

And so, the moral of the story is be careful who you become friends with. People who like to drink way too much and get angry when they get drunk are not safe people to hang out with. Also, don't try to talk things out until everyone is sober and thinking rationally. That doesn't just go for situations where alcohol is involved, that includes anyone and anything. Even when people are sober and just angry, its better to let them cool off first before you try to rationalize with them.

And now I'm really done. I will never mention this again, because like I said, I HATE DRAMA. I just thought the story was ridiculous enough to share. You're welcome.

DRAMA

I. Hate. Drama.

Seriously, I can be dramatic sometimes when I tell stories and things like that, but I HATE girl drama. Hate it. But this weekend, my suite mates experienced some. And by some, I mean so much that the whole story is completely ridiculous and even my RA laughed at it.

So I went out with two of my suitemates and a girl thats friends with them last night. I'm going to rename them for privacy purposes. My suitemates will be Amber and Kat and the other girl will be Stacy. Amber and Stacy went to high school together. Amber introduced Stacy to my other two suite mates and the three of them became really close and have been since the beginning of the school year. Stacy goes out with us anytime we go anywhere and goes out with them more than I do, even though she doesn't even live in our dorm. So last night we were at a party and Amber wanted to leave before everyone else was. She said something to Stacy and Kat about leaving soon and how we were getting back, and Stacy mouthed off to her and said something rude. So Amber walked away because she was mad. Stacy tried to apologize a few minutes later, but Amber told her to get out of her face and that she didn't want to talk about it. So Stacy (who has emotional issues, especially when intoxicated) ran outside and started crying about it to Kat. Apparently there was more behind her sadness than we knew about, but thats beside the point. So Kat tried to get Amber and I to go talk to Stacy about it and work things out. I kept saying that I really didn't want to, that I hate drama and I didn't want to get in the middle of it. But they pulled me out of my chair and we walked out by the street outside the house to talk. I stayed a good distance back, so I didn't hear what they were saying, but all of a sudden Stacy and Amber started arguing. Stacy turned around to walk away, Amber said something to her, and Stacy whipped back around, ran straight at Amber, balled up her fist and clocked her in the right ear.

Yes. That really happened. None of us knew what to do exactly. It was kind of surreal because we were all thinking, "...did she really just do that?" It was so completely unnecessary and stupid.

But that's only the beginning.

Amber started freaking out and threatening to call the cops, at which point everyone broke out of there stupified trances and started freaking out and trying to calm her down. Kat ran after Stacy to walk with her back to the dorm and Amber and I got a ride from someone. When we got back, Amber called the police because she thought she might have had a concussion and she didn't want Stacy anywhere near our dorm. So the police came and talked to us for a while, got Stacy's information, got Amber's information, and basically said since we were off campus there was nothing they could do about pressing charges, that Amber would have to talk to the Wilmington Police Department for that, but that Stacy would be getting in a lot of trouble nonetheless. The officer also hinted to Amber that it would be a good idea to go to the hospital and get her head checked out, even though the paramedic from the EMS said she would probably be fine. So Amber rode off in an ambulance, I followed in Amber's car, the hospital said the exact same thing that the EMS guy said, and it was all a big waste of time.

Oh, side story. While we were sitting there waiting for the nurse to tell us we could leave, a guy a few curtain-rooms down took off all his clothes are started peeing on the floor. And all the nurses were laughing at him. It was really strange, but SO funny.

Anyway, when we were checking out of the hospital, a guy from Housing at UNCW came up to us and Amber had to tell the whole story over again to him. This morning, a police officer came to our room and gave Amber a drinking ticket. Stacy got one too. Stacy is also getting in a lot more trouble. I feel kind of bad for her, because she has a lot of issues, but none of those are an excuse to punch someone you're supposed to be friends with. PLUS, get this, she tried to turn the story around and say that when Amber put her hands up to stop Stacy from rushing at her, she was actually trying to choke Stacy and that's why Stacy hit her. This really ticked off Kat, and its been decided that Stacy will no longer be going out with us and that, if they ever become friends again, its going to take some time and it won't be the same. Kat said that it isn't the fact that Stacy punched Amber, its the fact that she's trying to lie about what happened.

So, things went down this weekend. And to top it off, because of all the drama I didn't get the guy's phone number that had been flirting with me the whole night. Which might be a big reason why I'm so upset about the situation. Mom said I should get revenge on them for that, because that's messed up. My mom. Always looking out for me.

The end!

Moving Right Along

So I don't have any real updates. Nothing exciting, just a few sharable stories.

I'm really excited because my biology test got moved from Monday to Wednesday. But I still have my huge lab practical on Tuesday that I'm just absolutely DREADING. I have to spell everything right!! That's the worst part. Not only do I have to know everything, I have to spell all the super weird phylum and class names right or I don't get credit. Such. Bull. Crap.

I really only have one more story, which is good because I need to finish my homework and finish getting ready in the next forty minutes. Last night I went out with some friends. It wasn't dirty mega this time though, it was a new place. Anyway, this guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance, so I said sure. He started dancing on me and not a minute later he was trying to pull up my skirt all the way and get his hands in a bad area. I kept pulling his hands away, so he decided to take a differnet approach and turned me around to face him and tried to make out with me. I'm telling you, we were dancing together for all of two minutes before I just turned back around and stopped. Some might see me as a prude for this, but I definitely don't want some random guy at a club shoving his tongue down my throat when I don't even know his name or if he has herpes. So if you don't commend me for that, then I will.

Other than that I had fun. We went to Cookout at two in the morning, and it tasted awesome. Maybe that's because after dancing for so long I was starving, and the fact that I hadn't eaten a meal in hours. Either way, that burger was bangin'. I can't decide if its bad though, because I burned off a whole bunch of calories right before I ate, but as soon as I got back I showered and went to bed, and you're not supposed to eat right before bed. You guys know I'm trying to avoid that Freshman 15...(although if I was really trying, I wouldn't be eating Cookout at all).

And so the moral of the story is: study always, don't eat after eight if you're watching your weight, and some guys are super pervy and gross and those are the ones you want to avoid. Unless you're into that kind of thing...you know, sloppy hookups, STD's, public displays of whore-ation. Then its totally cool and you should look for guys like that to be happy in life.

Repetition

The title really has nothing to do with anything, but the last three titles have been words ending in -tion, so I thought it would be cute and punny.

Bob actually asked me to lunch today. But I'm not going to sway (even though my heart started beating a few times faster when I saw his name on my phone screen). We. Are. Friends. That's all.

And I'm fine with that.

I have a pre-registration appointment after my classes today. Thats basically when I talk to my academic advisor about what classes I want to take next semester. My first semester of college is half over. WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING AND WHY IS IT IN SUCH A RUSH?! I don't want to grow up. Seriously, that's my biggest fear. Waking up one day, looking in the mirror and seeing a wrinkly, gray-haired old lady with brittle bones and saggy boobs and thinking, "When did that happen?"

But in a way, I'm sort of excited for next semester. I'm thinking about getting a job at the Bonefish in town. My boss at the Outback back home has offered to help me out because he knows the people that own it. So that will mean I'll get to bring my car to school (I MISS MY CAR SO MUCH), I'll be hitting that cash flow, and a discount at Bonefish? That's what's freaking up. Also, when I go for my pre-reg appointment, I'll come out basically knowing my schedule. And I'm much more prepared this time than last time. I'm going to try to avoid eight-o-clock and late afternoon classes as much as possible. Another thing about next semester is that I'LL BE EIGHTEEN. I HATE being so young. Which is funny because I was just talking about how I don't want to grow up. Sorry I'm so contradictory. But I'm sure you understand how I feel. I just want to be eighteen forever. Or twenty-one.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, which means its time to stop. Updates on lunch tonight!

Exhaustion

Today, I drove (not rode, drove) eight hours back from Florida. Then I rode another hour and a half back to campus. Not to mention the fact that I went to bed at one last night and woke up at nine-thirty.

While I was in Florida, I was constantly on the move. There were only a few hours of time that I wasn't in the car driving somewhere, walking around Wal-Mart, or worrying about an accident that occurred in my mom's car (its all fixed, nothing to worry about anymore. Just a little spill...).

Bob did not text me all weekend. I've been thinking about him a lot, but I guess that's a one way street. I told my best friend I was done waiting for him. And I mean it. Which is going to be a weird transition. I'm trying to control my heart from skipping beats when his face pops into my mind.

So needless to say, I am mentally, physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED.

Goodnight.

Transition

I think whatever romance Bob and I had is slowly dying. This week has been different than usual. After Monday, we've been to lunch as usual, but he hasn't talked to me other than that. I text him about something specific on Wednesday, but that's all the talking we've done outside of lunch.

And he's home. Right now. I don't know how to feel. Part of me wants to take the hint and just accept the friendship. I can just be his friend. But the other part still wants to hold on. What if he changes his mind? I don't want to miss the opportunity. And still another part of me wonders why he ever started talking to me in the first place if he had just gotten out of a relationship when we met.

Boys are stupid.

I'm at home for now. I hadn't planned on coming home this weekend at all and enjoying my fall break relaxing at school, but my brother Sebastian and his girlfriend Kyla have to go to Florida to get Kyla's car and some other things from her parents, and since Kyla doesn't have her license just yet I have to help them drive down there and back. It's a long trip for one person to drive.

I have to write a whole paper tomorrow. I'm actually at work tonight, which strangely makes me happy, despite the fact that I slept for an hour and half last night. But I'm making that papahhh, so it's all good. But anyway, that's what's up tonight. I'm going to get off my phone now because 1. I'm at work, and 2. I don't actually have unlimited Internet on my iPhone...strangely enough. Whatever, Mom. Love you, too.

Revelation

Yesterday I got back the grade from my second freshman seminar test. I failed it.

Thats really only because she never told us this thing we had to do separately from the test was actually part of our exam grade, she made it sound optional. Then when she passed out the tests yesterday she had written on the board that it was 20 points of our test. I almost died. So in college, if a professor says, "For your test, you CAN complete this survery...blah blah blah...you could do this if you WANT..." what they really mean to say is "This is part of your test, so if you don't do it you're gonna fail!" So I advise that you complete any and every assignment given, optional or required.

I was thinking about this earlier today in oceanography. About how it made me so upset to fail a test in a class that should be a piece of baked apple pie when other people were doing just fine. About how I made a C on a test that two of my friends made B's on, and that I wished I could take tests as well as they could. About how I used to not take tests badly (I made a freaking 1950 on the SAT. I don't do bad on tests.) and that it just came naturally to me. About how it should still come naturally to me.

And then it hit me like a cold, packed snowball in my bare face. My problem in college is that I just EXPECT to do well on everything because that's how its always been. I keep telling people, oh yeah, I know I have to study in college, la la la, its not like high school, whatever. But I never actually believed it.

Don't come to college expecting ANYTHING to come easily. Even freshman seminar.

I'm Only Fooling Myself

So. We talked.

He helped avoid an awkward situation by being smart enough to know that I didn't want to talk until we were out of the cafeteria. I didn't have to say anything about talking after we ate.

Moving along. After we ate lunch, we went into the beautiful wildlife preserve on campus (oh my gosh, its so pretty. I had no clue it was there until the other day, and its huge!) and we sat down on one of the benches. He asked what I wanted to say. I took a long, dramatic pause (not really for dramatic effect...mainly because I was trying to calm my nerves before I started so I didn't end up sounding like a rambling idiot). I collected my thoughts, took a breath, and began: "I need to know what you want. Because you really confuse me (he chuckled at this...I'm being completely honest, and its obviously hard, and he laughs) and I just need to know that you still want to date me at some point in the near future so I know I'm not wasting my time." He responded, and I don't remember all our exact words, but I do remember wishing I could be that cool and calm when I say how I feel. He can do that. He's very open. I like that (but I guess I shouldn't be thinking about things I like about him right now). Anyway, we basically established that...well...I'm not sure what we established. He said once again that he's not ready to date, and there's no guarantee that he'll be ready soon. Which is what I was afraid of. I told him that I don't want to invest all my time in waiting for him and he end up changing his mind somewhere down the road or realizing that he can't get over his ex and screw me over. He recognized that this is harder for me than it is for him. He also said that he didn't think I was ready to be in a relationship either, but I'm not sure why. I could be if he wanted that.

So I think what we're going to do is stop being as couple-y as we have been. We both still want to hang out, but no more kissing and cute dates and that thing. Lunch is safe. I'm not sure what else. I really still want to be his friend no matter what. He's a good friend. He makes me feel better when I'm sad. And he says that I keep him grounded, so I'm of some kind of value to him. Which makes me feel good.

I just don't want to get involved in the dirty business of getting my heart broken. That business is as dirty as dealing drugs and prostitution (other things I don't want to get involved in). But seriously, I feel like no matter what its going to hurt. Its just a matter of how much.

He'll be going home this coming weekend. I want to believe that he's going to see her and realize that he doesn't actually want to be with her anymore and he's different now and that I changed him. I want to think that he will go home and tell her all about me and, even though she'll hate my guts, she'll know. But I don't see that happening. I know he's excited to get to see her. And I KNOW she's excited to see him. I can just see her with her friends, painting each other's nails and discussing strategies of how to get him back.

So. In an effort to keep myself available, I texted the boy from the club the other night. I need a name for him...Job. That's what I'm calling him. And its kind of funny if you know his real name, but since you don't, its an inside joke between me, myself and I. Anyway, I text Job today, and it turns out he didn't get my number the other night because his phone took a bath in sweat and wasn't working. But now he has it and he can use it. I feel pretty good about that.

In other news, I was very productive today. I got a lot of homework done and started on some things I have due in the next week. A calculus assignment was due today, a very large biology assignment and a paper for theatre are due this week, and a paper for biology lab is due next Monday (which is stupid because Monday and Tuesday are fall break...whatever). Plus I took a theatre test today. One of two tests in that class. But the test wasn't difficult at all, so I'm not too worried at the same time.

Also! I finally feel competent and intelligent again! I got a 92 on my calculus test! My first A!! FINALLY! My RA (is awesome!!) has this thing called an A-wall. Its just a section of our hallway where you get to write your name on an "A" cut out of construction paper and hang it up if you make an A on a test or paper. I hung mine up today! It made me feel so good, I took a picture of it and uploaded it to Facebook AND Twitter. Oh yeah. Proud mama.

Okay, sorry this ended up being so long. I didn't realize I had so much to say. But sleep is vital at this moment in time, so I will be doing that right about now.

By the way, the show Awkward is the BEST SHOW EVER. Go to mtv.com sometime and watch it if you've never seen it. Seriously, its hilarious and suspenseful and HILARIOUS. Plus I have drawn many parallels between the main character's life and my own. If you watch the show and can see the parallels, let me know (if you're my friend on Facebook or in real life or whatever. If I don't know you, just keep the revelation to yourself or get at me on Twitter! livx3).

Tata :)

Nerves

I'm freaking out.

My stomach is all in knots, I'm shaking, and I can't focus on studying for a theatre midterm I have today that is worth 25% of my grade. I told Bob that when we go to lunch today, I want to talk to him.

I'm so, so, so nervous. So I decided that, when in doubt, blog it out. Only its kind of hard to do that when my hands are shaking so hard I keep messing up and having to back space and fix everything...

Anyway. If he asks what's up while we're eating, I'm going to tell him I want to talk after we eat. Because I don't want to have this conversation in the middle of a cafeteria. When we find somewhere to sit down and talk, I'm going to say something along the lines of, "I just need to know what you want. Because lately I've been worried that you don't want to date me or you won't be ready to date me for a long time. Or that you're unknowingly using me to fill a void that appeared when you and your ex broke up." That's a lot to say. And being straight up with people and saying how I feel has always made me nervous. I'm less nervous to say it than I am to hear his response.

I'm afraid of rejection. Who isn't?

Wimp

I couldn't do. I couldn't ask him. I wimped out.

I hate myself right now so much. I was so set on it. I was walking down the hall and down the stairs trying to build up my confidence. But as I walked, I felt more and more nervous. I think my palms started sweating a little bit. And the closer I got to the ground floor and to seeing him and letting him in, the more clear it became in my mind that I wasn't going to ask him. And I thought about it the whole time he was in my room, but I couldn't think of how to bring it up. Of course, it would have been as easy as, "Can I ask you a serious question?" But I couldn't say it. Then I was wrapped up in his arms falling asleep and I just knew that it wasn't going to happen tonight.

I have not cancelled the DTR, I promise that. I just...postponed it. But it WILL happen before next weekend. It has to.

You and I?

The title of this post is ironic because I'm currently listening to You and I by Lady Gaga (LOVE). Lets just say I was inspired.

Last night my mom and I had a heart-to-heart. She started with, "I want to talk to you," and proceeded to, "You're probably not going to like what I have to say," which made me very nervous. Basically, she wanted to tell me about how worried she is for me. She's really scared that Bob is just playing me. That's what she honestly thinks. We discussed that matter for almost an hour and came to the conclusion that it all comes down to what he wants from me. If he sees us dating for real in the near future, I'll keep seeing him. It'll be worth it. But if he's changed his mind about that, or if he doesn't think he can move on soon, I don't want to waste my time anymore. So when he comes over tonight to hang out, I'm going to ask him. We're going to DTR (define the relationship). I'm kind of freaking out. Like, my heart is pounding and I feel queasy and I feel like I have to pee when I know I don't. But seriously, I'm going to just straight up ask him, "Do you still see us dating? Because I don't want to get too invested in and attached to you and end up getting hurt." I'm scared of what he'll say. Of course I want him to say, "I WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW." But I seriously doubt that will happen (a girl can dream, right?). I'm really expecting him to tell me there's no guarantee when he'll be over her. And I'll want to say something about him never being able to get over her if he keeps talking to her like he does, but it'll be hard to phrase that without sounding too pushy.

Also, he's going home for the first time next weekend for fall break. He'll be there for five days. Five. Days. And SHE'S there (*gives HER the evil eye and a devilish snarl*).

She's posted on his Facebook wall already about how she's planning something special for them to do. (*another evil eye*) I'm really, really nervous about that as well. He could go home and realize how much he still loves her and completely forget about me. He could go home and realize how much he doesn't miss her and tell her about me and that its really over between them. He could go home and do whatever he wants and I'll never know about it.

That's why tonight I'm DTRing. No need to stress over next weekend if...well, if there's no need.

Turning Tables

I definitely went to bed last night and forgot to blog first. Shame on me!

I had an AWESOME night.

The previous comment is not sarcasm. I really had a fantastic night. Bob told me on Wednesday night that he would text me after lifting weights. He not only didn't text me after that, he didn't talk to me at all yesterday. Again. So, fueled by my anger, I got all pretty and went out with my whole suite last night. It was weird because we went to the same place and same event where I got Bob's phone number and everything began. Half of my was looking around hopefully the whole time hoping that maybe he came out again and I would see him and get to dance with him this time. However, he was not present at this party. So I went out on the dance floor and started dancing with Shaniqua and our suitemate Alyssa. It felt so good to just let go and dance.

I danced with one guy for a while, but it was weird because he just kind of came up behind me and started dancing, then after a song on two he moved on. I didn't care and just kept dancing. Then I spotted a really cute guy I've met before. He's SO good looking. I pointed him out to Alyssa and told her I've met him before and how I thought he was really cute. Then he started walking towards me with his friend. My heart started beating a little faster as he slid behind me. I looked at Alyssa anxiously. He said something to his friend, then looked at me and said, "Hey, do you want to dance?" SCORE! We started dancing for quite some time, then went for a water break and talked a little. I had met him with Sweta in cornerstone, we established. He introduced me to some of his friends, showed some guy on ecstasy (JUST SAY NO! seriously, that guy looked scary), and we went back and danced again. I was so glad I wore my converse this time. My thighs didn't catch fire like the last time. At around midnight it was time to go. And he asked for my number first.

Sigh. I'm in such a good mood. It doesn't even matter that after the club, Shaniqua, Alyssa and I went to a delicious pizza place to eat and we didn't get back until one in the morning. It doesn't even matter that I had to take a shower (because I was, once again, completely drenched in sweat) and I didn't go to bed until almost two. It doesn't even matter that I got up at 7:20 this morning and now I'm sitting in calculus. It doesn't even matter that I'm going home once again just for tonight (granted it is homecoming and I kind of can't miss that). I'm in a really, really good mood.

Bob can suck it.

Still Sick...and Other Random Babble

I hate this so. So. So much. My head is stuffy and my nose is running and I just feel bad. I don't feel this bad all day, but I got back from the gym about forty minutes ago (yay for working out finally!) and since then I've just felt worse. And my medicine has yet to kick it.

I had lunch with Bob today as usual. It was the first time I've seen him since Sunday when everything...well, it didn't exactly change, but since we hit the wall of this rut hard. It felt a bit off at first, being with him, but the more we kept talking the more normal it felt. We also went exploring. Apparently there's a wildlife preserve in the middle of campus that I never knew about. We didn't actually go in because I would have been late for class. But its there, and we'll probably go together at some point in the future. Which would be super cute.

Going to the gym, despite my sickness, felt great. I haven't worked out like that in a while.

And GET THIS. I've gained 1.5 pounds in the month I've been here. I'm in school for ten months. If I keep at the exact rate I've been going, I will gain exactly FIFTEEN POUNDS.

That's not happening. I REFUSE to gain the freshman fifteen. So my suitemate and I were discussing going to the gym regularly, because she also felt really good after class today. I'm going to shape up my body and look good for when it gets really warm again.

I'm seriously going to go through a complete metamorphosis. When I get my braces off, I'm going to cut my hair (ITS SO LONG), pierce my nose, and have a rockin' body...oh yeah. Then Bob will know what he's missing out on. ;)

Okay, I'm off to rinse off in the shower and sleep. Sleep seems like a good idea. Maybe I can sleep off this stupid cold.

Sick.

I caught something from someone.

Wait...that can be taken the completely wrong way. Its just a cold or something. But seriously, I just don't feel well at all. Headache, sneezing, stuffy nose, sore throat...miserable. I'm just waiting for a fever to spike.

Ahh, the joys of dorm life.

My whole suite has had a cold in the past two weeks now. I hate it. Oh well, I'll get over it in a few days hopefully.

Bob and I are still in that rut. He didn't talk to me at all today. It kills me when he does that. It kills me even more that I RAN INTO HIM AGAIN.

If this keeps happening, you guys are going to start thinking that I'm making it up. But I swear, I write the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I was on my way to my biology lab with Megan (my friend down the hall) and we were just walking down Chancellor's walk (its this mile long straight walkway connecting one side of campus to the other. Very convenient, usually crowded, center of campus, that kind of thing) on one side, and I was glancing at the people passing on the other side as usual and he was just there. Walking along, not a care in the world. Not thinking about me or anything. We made eye contact and waved at each other and after the moment passed I realized how horribly awkward it was. We just...waved. He smirked a little bit (and looked a little too cute, I might add), but other than that, we just walked past each other. Granted, Chancellor's is a bit wide. And I was running a bit late. But I thought he would at least text me after that; however, every time I checked my phone, all I got was the time.

I just don't understand boys.

Patience is a Virtue?

This. Is. So. Hard.

Seriously, its getting harder and harder and HARDER to be with Bob. He's so great. But today was the second day in a row that he reminded me that he's not ready to date again and he's not over his ex.

It hurts all over again just typing that out.

I told him today that we need to slow down. I refuse to do anything with someone I'm not serious with. And he knows and respects that. (Another amazing thing about him. He respects me.)

I just need something to make him realize that I'm not going to wait forever. I'm available for any other guy out there. That's what I need is another guy. I need someone else to ask me out so Bob knows that he could lose me. Alex (my best friend in the whole world...in case I haven't mentioned her by name yet) says that could backfire. She's definitely right. But I just don't know what to do. One date with one other guy couldn't hurt, right?

One date. Thats all I need.

But what I really NEED is to study for this next round of tests coming up this week. Calculus and freshman seminar on Wednesday, theatre on Friday. If I keep making average grades, I'm going to die of mediocrity.

On another note, my dad told me exactly how my love life is going today. It was scary...my dad and I don't talk about things like that. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. He spent $90 on me today on a bike and a lock, and last week he spent $70 on me for groceries. And he doesn't have money to just throw around like that. I can talk to my dad about anything else in the world, but NOT boys. But he asked me why I need a boyfriend, and I said that I don't, I just like this guy. He said he is my boyfriend, and I said no he's not. Then my dad said, It doesn't matter if you call each other girlfriend and boyfriend, you guys are close and you kiss and he's your boyfriend.

I almost DIED.

He was exactly right. Why can't Bob see that?

Average

I've never been average in school. I'm average at other things. Sports, playing the guitar...but not school. I'm an A student.

So why is it that I made another freaking C on another freaking test?

74.2.

I don't understand. I studied for three days straight. I was non-stop studying. I deserved a better grade than that. I don't know what happened.

College tests suck.

They made me average.

Tests

My oceanography test was this morning. Ohhh man. It was still hard. I have really mixed feelings about it. I don't feel like I did as bad as my bio test. If I made an A I'll probably cry. But I feel a B. Which I will definitely accept. Not a B-, a B. I find out tomorrow at noon. I'm scared.

I also went to dinner and a play with Bob. He's becoming another test in my life. A test of my patience.

Twice now he's made sideways comments about being his girlfriend. When he kids around about talking to other girls he says they're his "other girlfriends." Does that make me the first girlfriend? Maybe I'm just over reaching. But I always over think things like that. I just like him.

Life is full of tests.

Praise the Lord

I finally finished my study guide for oceanography! You have no clue how excited I am!

I was going so strong all day. I didn't nap, I studied for the vast majority of my time (any free time I had, I was making that dang study guide), and I was feeling GREAT. Until five o' clock. Then I crashed.

And I've been crashed ever since. But I'm still awake! Somehow.

I'm not sure how coherent this post will end up because I'm only half human right now. The other half is zombie. So excuse my...I can't even think of a word to describe myself in this moment.

I'm taking a short break, then actually studying the guide for a little bit. Then I'm taking a shower and hitting the hay. Then maybe I'll get in bed and sleep.

SLEEP. I NEED SLEEP.

Coffee coffee coffee

I'm. So. Hyper.

This is really hard for me. Usually when I'm this hyper I can't control myself. But I have to because I'm in class and it would look weird if I was giggling and slapping myself on the legs like I usually do.

Coffee is amazing. I got three hours of sleep last night and I'm wide awake! I'm going to need another cup later though because I have a horrible feeling I'm going to crash later. HARD.

I made a Facebook status about drinking coffee and feeling crazy but good. Cute Boy liked it. He totally loves me!! Ahh, just kidding I'm not that crazy.

Well I am right now I guess.

I pretty much wasted time making this post. I just need to be concentrating my energy on something right now, and typing keeps me focused. But this post has no point. Hope you enjoyed my completely erratic rant anyway!

Busy Busy Bee

I have been so busy all day today. I didn't have time to blog until now...at three-thirty in the morning.

I had oceanography this morning, then I came back (and got soaked in the rain) and took a glorious two hour nap, studied for my biology lab quiz, went to my biology lab, aced my quiz (I think), dissected and worm and a clam, went to eat with the girl down the hall and Cute Boy again, didn't run into Bob at Wag, came back to my dorm, tried to study for oceanography by myself, failed miserably, tried to study oceanography with my friend Luke and my suitemate Kenzie, failed miserably, actually accomplished a lot of studying after Luke left with Kenzie, studied until about 2:30, took a shower, talked to my mom on the phone, and here I am! Goodness. That was a mouthful...well...handful.

I did SO much today, but what I didn't do was talk to Bob. At all.

He asked me to hang out on Sunday as soon as I told him I was back on campus. We had lunch yesterday, and last night he kept complimenting me. Then he doesn't text me at all today.

Whatever, I'll talk to him soon. Probably. Maybe. Anyway, what I'm really worried about this oceanography test. There is SO much material that I'm supposed to know. But after Kenzie helped me study, I feel so motivated and ready to get 'er done. I have another ridiculously full day ahead of me. Kenzie and I are getting up early enough to roll out of bed and go get coffee from the library before classes (which are at the same time in buildings adjacent to each other). I'll probably be up all night again tomorrow night studying. And I don't get to nap tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'm going to do...

Sigh. College.

Defeated

This is the first time since I've been here that I've felt the need to cry.

I just took my first real exam. Not for Freshman Seminar. Biology. The test itself made me want to cry, so don't even get me started on the grade I received on it...

72.46.

Thank GOD colleges follow the ten-point grading scale. But thats still a C. I only get four grades in that class, which are all the exams. I really, really wanted to try for A's. But to make an A in that class now, I'd have to make a 96 or better on all the other exams, and that seems impossible.

Of course, its not impossible. But I called my mom as soon as I left the library and almost cried to her about it (although, somehow, I refrained. I was in public, after all...embarassing much?). She consoled me by saying that she and my daddy are proud of me anyway because I'm doing so well adjusting. She said that she knew I was doing the best I can, and thats way more important than making A's. She told me not to set myself up for failure by getting upset when I don't make A's, because the first semester of college is about figuring out what you're good at and what you need to work on, like taking notes or studying.

She's completely right. Remember that, guys. Its important to set realistic goals for yourself. College tests aren't just memorizing vocabulary words, scientists, dates and information. They're about applying what you learned in class to real life and understanding concepts. Its so much different.

So for now, I'm okay. But starting tonight and for the rest of the week, my suitemate Kenzie and I are going to be studying like no other for Oceanography. I'm going to kill this test. I'm determined. But for now, I'm listening to the CDs Bob lent me and relaxing. Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional is an amazing song. Its old, but its awesome.

Man. I thought I was going to get through this post without mentioning him...

That's What Best Friends Are For

My best friend is the most amazing best friend any person could ever have. I just had a long talk with her about my (stupid) insecurities with (I think you can guess who so I'm not even going to put his name even though its way shorter than this statement) and she made me feel so many million times better.

I'm worrying about things that don't need to be worried about. I'm psyching myself out. And she helped me realize that. That took a lot of stress off my shoulders too.

College tip of the day: KEEP YOUR BEST FRIEND. Don't get stupid when you go to college and start thinking you're better than all the people back home. Alex is a senior this year, but she's been through a lot more than me, and she's great and listening and giving advice. She knows me better than I know myself. That's what a best friend is. Someone who is always there for you, even if you're an hour and a half apart and haven't seen each other in three weeks. Best friendship isn't detered by distance.

Also, I actually studied for biology! I'm pretty proud of myself. I spent at least an hour reviewing my notes and stuff. I still have to review the online assignments and make sure I understand that. Plus, I signed up for a study session through the school. On Sunday night, I'm going to get help with this. Thats another thing: learn how to study. I never studied in high school. Ever. So I don't know how. I'm not going to make A's without studying though. So, if you're like me, swallow your pride (if you have to...I had to) and ask for help. I'm going to a session with a tutor and she's going to help me study for my exam on Monday. Then I'm getting together with some friends to study for oceanography on Wednesday. I'm going to get prepared for these tests and I'm going to ace them.

Mark my words.

Difficulties

Its becoming increasingly more difficult to not be attached to Bob. He's so incredibly sweet and understanding. He's funny and confident and so cute. He's turning out to be kind of perfect. Except he's not. There are things about him I don't like, and that makes him even better.

But he still hasn't said anything about being exclusive. And that one isn't my call, which sucks. I don't like being at the mercy of others. I just don't know if he even knows I'm just waiting for him to say the magic words. He's told me explicitly that he hasn't been hanging out with any other girls like that. And I'm not hanging out with any other guys like that (as long as he doesn't take too long and I don't get up with Cute Boy...). Its like, we're exclusive, but we're not. He doesn't kiss me in front of other people. Not a quick goodbye kiss or anything. Which is a big sign that he's not ready to be in an actual relationship.

He's just stressing me out.

I also have a biology exam on Monday, an oceanography exam on Thursday and theatre and calculus exams the week after next. I'm going to be studying my boo-tay off tomorrow and this weekend for bio. I need to read my calc book and study my oceanography notes. This is about to be a long two weeks.

Its going to be kind of hard to study this weekend, though. I'm going home (again!) and I feel like I'm not going to do anything while I'm there. I don't necessarily want to go home, but I'm really excited at the same time because my sister and I are performing in some show on Saturday. I'm going to miss Bob. I'm going to miss my room here and this campus. Its only going to be a few days, but I just know I'm going to be sad not being here.

Sigh.

Insomnia, Stress and Great Coincidences

Every night I face the same problem. I lay down and I'm so tired, but I just can't sleep. I don't feel sleepy. Just tired.

So I'm going to try to blog it out of me. Today we finally went back to bio lab for the first time in two weeks and the second time ever. A girl on my floor in my dorm is in the lab with me (we figured this out last night) and we realized that we had been working together (sort of) the last time we had the lab. Even though my real parter was the cute boy. So we studied together before the lab today and sat together during. Most of the seats were full by the time we got there. And so the cute boy had no where near us to sit. I was sad. Like I said, I'm trying not to be too attached to Bob since he's still kind of a flaky prospect.

Anyway, the girl and I, plus another guy sitting next to us, worked together for a few minutes. Then Cute Boy came over and said, "I think I work better with you guys. Think we can get the gang back together?" and smiled adorably and so of course I said, "Come on over!" We all worked together for the next two-ish hours. The girl and I had already decided we would go eat dinner after lab, and we invited Cute Boy to come with. So the three of us went to the main cafeteria on campus, Wag, since we thought it would be the only place open after eight. My new friends are very nice, and we were having great conversations on the way up. We walked in the cafeteria, get our cards swiped, and walked towards the food. Then all of a sudden I looked up and who is thirty feet away from me walking to drop his dishes off in the dish pit?

BOB.

Seriously, its a sign. I'm actually hanging out with the other cute boy I'd had on my mind (not alone...but still) and he's there. No matter how much I try to keep myself distant and my options open, no matter how many times wonder how we're going to work out when we still haven't taken any next steps yet, no matter how much I question how often he thinks about his ex and if he's talking to her when he takes too long to text me back...he always shows up. He's always there when I think he's not, or when I'm not thinking about him at all. And even though we just waved at each other (no, he didn't come say hi to me or stop to chat or anything...jerk), he still had text me back before I had finished getting food on my plate even though he'd been taking forever to accomplish this simple task before.

So these are the questions I will ponder as I try to fight my insomnia: Can these really be weird coincidences or is it just meant to be with Bob and I have to be patient? Should I still try to get Cute Boy's number or should I just let the other girl have him? Will Bob quit taking five years to text me back and make me sure that something will happen so all these questions can just be answered already?

And on top of all this, my classes are approaching first exam times.

Life is complicated.

All Work and No Play?

University First: I took my first test today.

It was just for freshman seminar. So I figured it would be easy enough to just read the chapters and go take the test and get a one hundred on.

My piece of advice: I don't care what college class you're taking, YOU NEED TO STUDY. If I had studied the chapters we tested on and not just read them, I would have easily knocked that test out in twenty minutes and gotten a very high A. But now I'm praying for a B. On my first test. And I HATE B's.

Seriously, anyone who knows me will tell you, I'm a grade grubber. I don't settle for average grades. School has always been one of the things I'm really good at. I slacked off way more than I should have my junior and senior years in high school. If I hadn't, I would have been in the top five of my graduating class, not just number ten. I hate myself just a little bit for that.

Anyway, the test thing is my own fault. I just skimmed through the chapters and sort of read them. I didn't try enough. As I was sitting there staring at my paper and wondering what in the world the four characteristics of critical reading are, I decided that its time to buckle down. I'm in college now. No more procrastinating. No more doing things half way. No more putting things off to hang out with people or to take a nap or anything else. That worked in high school. But that does NOT fly here. I'm doing this right. I'm getting straight A's.

Even if it kills me.

You Wanna Be a Loser Like Me

I have done nothing this weekend.

I did some homework, which I feel pretty accomplished about that. I hung out with Bob for a little while Friday, but not that long. Other than that, I've been laying around my dorm room, watching TV and drowning in my boredom.

Seriously, when did I become such a shut in?

Things are going well with Bob. Apparently he had blown off his friend the last three nights in a row to hang out with me. That's why he didn't stay too long when he came over earlier.

I'm just a little confused. He doesn't seem to have any attachments to his ex girlfriend when he's with me. But I know its there. It's hard. I'm really developing feelings for this boy. And thinking about that hurts a little.

Its not just hard for me though, its hard for all of us. I really shouldn't be putting myself in this situation. I shouldn't be putting them in this situation either. All our lives would be easier if I had never met him. But man...

But I'm going to have to get over it. He explained everything to me, and we're working it out...I'm pretty sure.

Other than him coming over earlier, I have no plans for tonight. The only friends I'm hanging out with now are the Friends friends...pathetic. But I don't mind. I'll just actually be getting sleep tonight! In college, you learn to really value the nights you get sleep. I can go out any other time I want. Sleep is my friend. Sleep is good...

Patience, Young Grasshopper

Tonight was eventful.

I was with Bob again. Every day I get to know him more and more, and every day I see more that I like. He's really respectful. That's one thing that I really like. Another is that he plays with my hair and it makes me want to sleep forever.

Anyway. We discussed things. And I really want to spill every detail on here, but there's always the chance that he'll see this and read and he has the right to get really upset if I'm telling anyone who cares all his business (I'm assuming not many people care all that much, but still...more than he'd appreciate). So long story short (a phrase I hate), I have to be patient. He likes hanging out with me, but he needs time. And I understand that. I'm understanding. And he seems worth it. Plus, if at any point I find him not worth it, I can just walk away. He said that. We still don't know each other all that well (though I'm starting to get a good sense of who he is, and he's starting to know who I am), so it would be easy at this point to change my mind.

But I have a good feeling about this. I do.

On another note, I really need to learn to sleep at night and not rely on naps. I have early classes every day (eight on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and nine-thirty on Tuesday and Thursday), so I have to wake up early every morning. And I can't focus in my classes. That's a decision you will have to make in college. Hang out with the cute boy for twenty more minutes or go to sleep and make it to class tomorrow? ...like there's any competition. Which is why I can't focus in class. Ever.

Sigh.

Cloud 9

That is where I am currently floating.

I had a date with Bob today. And let's just say I got some Hershey's.

Before I get into that, my cousin Madison wanted me to mention that I saw a hideous penis today. Before you go thinking I am a dirty girl, we were watching the film adaptation of a play in theatre class today. So I saw it against my will. And it was ugly. And I'm assuming they all look like that.

Moving on. Bob and I had a date night. It was the cutest thing ever. We watched a movie outside his dorm, then he shot me with a nerf gun, and we found a place to lay down his blanket and look at the stars and talk. Hence my current state on Cloud 9.

Sigh. I want to get to know this boy. I'm still guarding my heart though. I still don't know him and I don't want to get too attached and end up being disappointed or getting my heart broken. For now this is still casual. But he seems to really, really like me.

I'm also afraid of being a rebound. He's still close to his ex. I'm really nervous that he's going to end up realizing that he never liked me, I was just someone to help him get over her. Which is another reason why I'm guarding my heart. Better safe than sorry.

College tip for the day (this has nothing to do with the rest of the blog): Always make time to do your homework first. Don't wait until the last minute and then realize you have no idea what you're supposed to do. I might be stuck in a situation like that tomorrow...

The Truth

For any of you that might have thought I was stupid for hanging on this long, I wish to prove you wrong with this post.

Bob wanted to explain to me in person why he's been so shady the past few days. I met up with him and, long story short, his ex was visiting him because they're still friends and he didn't want to hurt her feelings by texting other girls right in front of her. I have a feeling that he's not quite over it, but he seems like he's trying to be. It might take some time, but he also seems to really like talking to me, and I like talking to him. He also taught me how to longboard. I know I looked like an idiot, but he held my waist and pushed me along while I rode, so it was pretty cute.

So now I, and you, know the truth. That he was thinking about me, but he was looking out for someone he cares about. All in all, I think that's pretty sweet.

This time around I'm going to try to feel less attached with every single conversation we have. I do that a lot. I think that just because you text someone a lot, something is most definitely going to come out of it. That's not how it is in the real world. Maybe in high school. But like I've said (though I've not followed), dating in college is much more casual. You can go out with someone or talk to them and not make a lifetime commitment. I've known that since before I even graduated high school (I read it in Seventeen magazine. And Seventeen never lies). I need to learn to guard my heart.

We all need to learn to guard our hearts.

Whoa.

Have you ever felt like your heart literally fell into the pits of your stomach? Literally, a huge weight falling straight from your chest and ending in nausea because you were that surprised?

Bob actually text me.

A Sign from God?

I RAN INTO BOB AGAIN.

I don't understand. I was leaving Sweta's dorm and he was skating up coming home. We talked for a minute, and he said he was going to text me tonight. I asked what kept him and he said he just hadn't made it home yet. That either means that he was thinking about me today, or he felt obliged to say he was going to talk to me because he realized he can't avoid me since we've run into each other twice in a row. When I was leaving, he said he would text me tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to see about that one.

So what is this? A sign not to give up or a really huge coincidence? Because honestly, in the time we were talking regularly, we never just happen to run into each other. Not once. And now since he's stopped talking to me, we've run into each other like that twice. As soon as I decide its best to get over it and that the situation isn't worth my time, he comes back. I refuse to believe anything is a coincidence. That's how I've always been. When things like that happen, it means something. Its the universe saying, Just wait a second, Olivia. Don't give up just yet.

Right?

I so called it

So I was walking to Sweta's dorm. Bob also lives in Sweta's dorm. I was thinking the whole time that it was be just my luck to somehow run into Bob and there be a super awkward conversation and somehow him hanging out with his ex would be brought up and he would say it meant nothing and he was trying to find a way to talk to me, or that he would see me and pretend I wasn't there and I wouldn't even care because he really meant less to me than I did to him...

What can I say? It's a long walk from my dorm to hers.

And sure enough, I'm approaching. I see two guys walk out. One with Bob's body shape...and he called my name, surprised...and it was him. My heart sank, mostly because I couldn't believe it actually happened. I called it. I SO called it.

The convo wasn't that weird. He asked where I've been, and I wanted to say, where have YOU been?! But I contained myself and spoke civilly. When he left, he didn't say anything about seeing me later or texting me. So I'm taking that as it's done.

I've been obsessing over the situation, but it's only because he just all of a sudden abruptly cut me off. I needed to see him and know that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore like that. Now I can stop obsessing.

Thank goodness. I was getting sick of thinking about it.

Loser

I'm sitting in my dorm room by myself. My roommate is gone, my suitemates are gone. I'm not even doing homework or anything, I already finished that. I'm just sitting here, painfully hungry and bored.

I just tried to go to the Hawk's Nest, which is a place to eat on campus that's like a food court in a mall. Its the only place I can go get something to eat to-go, and I most certainly don't want to go to one of the cafeterias and sit by myself and eat. Awkward and embarassing. Unfortunately, I walked all the way there and the doors were locked, despite the fact that the hours of operation stated that it would be open untill 11 PM tonight.

On my way back to my dorm, some guy from down the sidewalk started trying to "holla" at me. He asked me how I was, and I responded by saying awesome and asking how he was without stopping, hoping he would take that as an indication that I didn't want to stop and chat. He didn't take the hint and began asking me to come over to him. With the song No Scrubs by TLC in my head, I called back, "Sorry, but I can smell your desparation from here, and its kind of a turn off."

...okay, so I'm not actually that clever. I only just thought of that when I got back to my dorm. I wish I would have said that though. Instead, I said I had to go and didn't turn around to anymore of his callings. Creep.

You know I have nothing to do and no where to be when I blog about something like that...my life in this moment is pathetic. Still, I'd rather be bored here than bored back in my hometown.

Dropped like a hot potato

I'm done with Bob. Done.

He hasn't text me in three days. I just went to his Facebook and his ex girlfriend tagged him in a post that said they were hanging out and she put a less than three thing at the end. With two threes.

I could be optimistic and think that he's just hanging out and it doesn't mean anything to him. Or I could quit fooling myself and accept the fact that it's over before anything started between us.

One of three things is going to happen. He's either going to get back with his ex and never talk to me again. He's going to talk to both of us (which I will, of course, refuse to put up with), or he will move on from her and text me. I'm seeing the first option being the most likely to happen, no matter what my friend Brandon says about it (he said he would hate it if he was talking to a girl and she dropped him because she saw he was hanging out with his ex but it wasn't like that anymore...whatever).

That's such bull. I guess it's better that this happened now though than later on when I actually liked him.

Boys

I am eating Easy Mac. Thank goodness being broke doesn't always mean eating stuff that's gross. Plus its shaped like Spongebob characters, which is obviously the best kind. I will swear until the day that I die that it tastes better than regular Easy Mac.

My new boy (for convenience purposes, I will now refer to him as Bob. That's an easy name.) Bob has not text me today, nor did he text me yesterday. I'm starting to get upset about it. But then I think, why am I upset? I haven't text him either, and he's not my boyfriend. I guess I'm just one of those girls. You know, the ones that fall for guys and get their heart broken way too easily? I'm working on that. But guarding my heart takes a lot more effort than you'd think.

Also, I worked things out with the guy from home. I feel no need to name him because we are just friends and he more than likely won't be mentioned in here anymore.

And one more thing, I've got my eye on another cutie. He's in my bio lab. He sat next to me on Tuesday, and he is very attractive. Plus I saw him today between my classes and he smiled and my heart melted just a little bit.

Another University first: I just filled out my first maintenance request! One of our dryers in my dorm has ceased to operate. Wow. I wish I would have thought of the phrase "cease to operate" when I was filling out the form and not just now...

Well, I'm about to head off to class, then going home for the weekend. I need to stop going home so much. Maybe my family will actually get the chance to miss me.

Updates

I'm actually going to spare you guys this one and not go over every single detail of my life. I'm just going to talk about the important things. I know, its like, a revelation or an apocalypse or something.

First of all, I'm really enjoying the Catholic Campus Ministries club. They are the nicest people ever, and I've made some friends already. Such sweet people. The Bishop of the diocese of Raleigh came today for a dedication service (if this sounds like jibberish, don't worry; it was a really big deal, and he's a VIP. That's all you have to know), so I put on a cute dress and helped with one part of the Mass. Bishop Burbidge is so funny, and such a nice guy. I love bishops!

Next point of interest: so there's this boy. The one I went out with on Monday. I've been talking to him every day for the past...wow, it feels like a lot longer, but it hasn't even been a week. Anyway, we ate together today. He's turning out to be quite the catch. He makes me laugh a lot, and what's even better is that I make him laugh a lot, too. I love that. He actually told me last night that I'm funny. Seriously, anyone who tells me I'm funny...that is one of the most flattering things any person could ever say to me. And he said I'm cute. And when we talk, something just kind of clicks. Like we get each other. Okay...I'm not going to get all serious over two day-time dates and a few texts. I'm no where near 'dating' him, or even necessarily 'liking' him. I just met him. I'm just saying this potentially has the potential to be something. I'm keeping my eye on him, that's all.

And for the record, though I have named most of my friends in this, I've decided not to name boys. That's just a bit personal, and I've posted this site all over my Facebook and Twitter so I have no clue who all turns on their laptops in the middle of the night when they're sure no one will catch them, hides under their blankets in bed and reads this blog. I don't exactly want ALL of my business out there. And situations could get awkward if boys figure out that I'm blogging about them...I could turn out looking like a total creep. If anything is ever serious with someone, I promise I will name that person. But for now, boys remain unnamed.

Moving on. I have to go home tomorrow for an orthodontist appointment. Lame. Then I'm coming back, then leaving again on Friday for Labor Day weekend. Double lame. I was really contemplating staying home, but my dad's birthday is next week and we'll probably go out to eat for this occasion on Sunday. So I thought I should be home for that. I know, I'm an angel. I'm giving up actually spending a weekend here for my daddy. But that's okay, I'll have plenty of weekends to spend here. Daddy only has one birthday every year. So although I'm not looking forward to leaving this haven, I'm happy to be a good daughter. Plus I have a situation I need to straighten out with a boy back home...long story short, he likes me (a lot) and I just don't feel the same anymore. He's there. I'm here. Things have changed since this summer so much already. You get the drift.

So, I'm going home to rip off a bandaid and eat a birthday cake. I suppose this will be an interesting weekend. But in my dumpy small town...lets just say the cake better be red velvet, or I'll have wasted my precious time.