I've put this off for a long, long time. Honestly, I should have written the end of the blog a month and a half ago and I'm not sure why I didn't. Maybe it's because I didn't want to say bye. Maybe I'm just that lazy. Either way I'm going back to school on Saturday for my sophomore year so I figure my freshman year blog should probably end pretty soon.
Don't get me wrong though, I've been thinking about what I'm going to say all summer.
There were a few important lessons I learned this year.
1. STUDY. I think this is the most important. I learned this the hard way a.k.a. a few bad test grades. But when I actually studied, I did well. High school was such a breeze, but don't think that college is the same like I did. You will be sorely disappointed in yourself like I was.
2. Know your boundaries. This applies to everything. Know how late you can stay up and still make it to class the next day. Know how much TV you can watch and still get your work done. Know how often you can go out and manage class and homework. Know how much you can consume and still be in control. Know how far you're willing to go with someone else. Don't ever do anything you're not comfortable with. You'll hate yourself for it later. I didn't necessarily learn all these the hard way, and I'm actually really proud of myself for understanding a lot of these boundaries already. But some people do learn the hard way. Just know that you don't have to.
3. Learn to manage your time. My best advice on this is to KEEP A PLANNER. I had so many things going on this year that it really made me appreciate keeping up with my planner. I had a daily to-do list hanging up by my door that really helped me as well. Anything that helps you keep your mind on track and in tact.
4. Join clubs that interest you and put yourself out there. I met so many great people through the different organizations and clubs I joined. And between all the class time and homework and tests to study for and papers to write, finding time to do something you enjoy with other people who enjoy it helped me to keep myself focused and, well, sane.
5. Never compromise yourself, but don't be afraid to let yourself grow up and change. When I was in high school, I would hear all kinds of stories of people going to college and becoming different people and no one liked them anymore. I swore to myself that I would never do that. But after freshman year was over, my friend from home told me I had changed and said it was bad and I saw it from another perspective. All I've done is I've given myself a chance to make mistakes. When I was growing up and all through high school, I never did anything bad. I never stepped out of line or colored in the wrong places or anything because I was always terrified of disappointing someone. In some ways, I still am. But you guys know the butterfly analogy by now. I've really changed into someone who is comfortable with herself, and the fact that I've done things in the past year that I never would have before doesn't make me a bad person. So while you shouldn't change so drastically that you go from being a kind person to being a complete douche all the time or a hermit to a heroin addict, you shouldn't be afraid to grow up. I feel so much better about myself now than I did a year ago.
I haven't decided if I'm going to write another blog for next year. On the one hand its actually gotten me into a few awkward, embarassing and down right bad situations. Sometimes people ask me things about something I said and I really didn't want them to know anymore than what I wrote. Awkward. There was something with one of the guys that I had a crush on where another guy told a whole bunch of guys what he read and that he knew who it was and the guy that it was was sitting right there. Embarassing. There was a mishap with something involving my job. Down. Right. Bad.
But this blog has done a lot for me, too. A friend that reads this blog who is from another state told her friend about the blog and now someone I don't even know that lives hundreds of miles away reading about my life thinking its interesting. What a freaking confidence boost. I've had so many people ask me when my next post will be and tell me they keep up with my blog. I guess the blog just made me feel important in that way. It was also like an outlet too. There were very few people I met this year that I really talked to openly and about anything, and not really anyone I just call when I want to talk. So being able to let out my feelings in this way was really therapeutic. And I'd like to think that someone somewhere read something in this blog and learned from a mistake I made or a lesson I learned myself. Seriously, if that's happened to any of you, please tell me. That will make me the happiest person alive.
I guess I can make up my mind about that later. But for now its time to say adieu. I hope something I've written at some point has helped you in some way. God bless.
xoxo
8.14.2012
5.31.2012
Overworked and Underpaid
The title might not be completely true, but that doesn't mean I'm not exhausted. We've been getting up early for about a week now to start work at nine in the morning and we've been working until five almost every day. After the past two days, I now know what its like to have a 9-5 office job complete with boring meetings and a tedious work load. I've been clipping lanyards and stuffing envelopes for two days straight. Its not hard, but its very mundane.
I'm just ready for orientations to actually start. I'm nervous though. I have a small student group for the first session that starts on Sunday night. I've seen the envelopes of a lot of my students already, so I'll recognize names when they get here. I've got some really weird names in my group, which will definitely be interesting.
Other than being tired, I've been having a lot of fun. Hanging out with the other OLs, there's never really a dull moment.
I was going to write more, but I can barely keep my eyes open at this point so I'm going to cut it short. More updates to come.
xoxo
I'm just ready for orientations to actually start. I'm nervous though. I have a small student group for the first session that starts on Sunday night. I've seen the envelopes of a lot of my students already, so I'll recognize names when they get here. I've got some really weird names in my group, which will definitely be interesting.
Other than being tired, I've been having a lot of fun. Hanging out with the other OLs, there's never really a dull moment.
I was going to write more, but I can barely keep my eyes open at this point so I'm going to cut it short. More updates to come.
xoxo
5.25.2012
Back Home
And by 'home' I don't mean home. I mean Wilmington.
I finally got back this afternoon and moved into the dorm and unpacked and I'm HERE. Thank God. I'm ready for this OL thing to start. This is what we've been training and working for all semester. I'm so ready. I'm so excited. I'm so...I'm just so.
Right now I'm sitting in my room like a hermit though because I haven't finished reading this book we were supposed to have read. I had all week to do it, but Grey's Anatomy is more interesting. Actually Grey's sounds really tempting right now, but I'm forcing myself to focus.
I really should probably stop watching that show. Although its probably too late, I've seen too many episodes. Its turned me into a bit of a hypochondriac. Every time I have a weird headache, I think I have a brain clot. Last night my stomach was cramping a little and I convinced myself I was bleeding internally even though I probably just didn't cook that sausage completely yesterday. Its a little pathetic, but really. There are always these patients in the hospital that have nothing wrong with them and then they die. One lady came in with a seemingly terminal hiccups, and they sent her home and she came back with something worse but it was too late and she died. She DIED from the hiccups. God forbid I get the hiccups after I've seen that episode.
Anyway, I'm just rambling now to avoid reading but I suppose I should get back to it.
xoxo
I finally got back this afternoon and moved into the dorm and unpacked and I'm HERE. Thank God. I'm ready for this OL thing to start. This is what we've been training and working for all semester. I'm so ready. I'm so excited. I'm so...I'm just so.
Right now I'm sitting in my room like a hermit though because I haven't finished reading this book we were supposed to have read. I had all week to do it, but Grey's Anatomy is more interesting. Actually Grey's sounds really tempting right now, but I'm forcing myself to focus.
I really should probably stop watching that show. Although its probably too late, I've seen too many episodes. Its turned me into a bit of a hypochondriac. Every time I have a weird headache, I think I have a brain clot. Last night my stomach was cramping a little and I convinced myself I was bleeding internally even though I probably just didn't cook that sausage completely yesterday. Its a little pathetic, but really. There are always these patients in the hospital that have nothing wrong with them and then they die. One lady came in with a seemingly terminal hiccups, and they sent her home and she came back with something worse but it was too late and she died. She DIED from the hiccups. God forbid I get the hiccups after I've seen that episode.
Anyway, I'm just rambling now to avoid reading but I suppose I should get back to it.
xoxo
5.16.2012
Hi.
I unofficially decided to take a break from blogging for a few days (maybe longer, I don't remember) but I'm back now! I haven't forgotten though. I just haven't known what to say until now.
I've been thinking a lot about the end of this blog. That's actually a really depressing thing to say/type. But this blog is about my amazing fantastic, totally radical...whatever, its about my freshman year. And technically my freshman year is over (OH MY GOD MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE IS OVER. Okay, done freaking out). I honestly considered just posting one post that said "THE END" but I decided that would be awkward and end up being more like a never ending cliff hanger. I also thought about posting a long post tying all the loose ends I've left over the course of the blog. Then I realized that really the year isn't over. I still have the rest of this month and the whole month of June because you obviously know I'm an OL and I'll have a lot of exciting things happening for a little while longer. So...
Ceeeeelebrate good times, come on!
So to catch you up, Kyla and I went down to Florida after I moved out of the dorm last week to help out my grandma. She broke her foot two weeks ago so she's had trouble keeping the house clean and taking care of my grandpa. Anyway, she paid us for our work, not to mention bought us pedicures and facials and bought me a Fossil crossbody (I've been DYING to own one for many moons now) and basically pampered and spoiled us in any way her restricted body movement could manage (it doesn't take a lot of movement to hand over the credit card). So we had a really nice time. I don't get spoiled by anyone else in my life like that. But that's what grandmas are for, really.
Yesterday and today we had transfer orientations going on at the school. We don't actually move in for the summer until next Friday, so I stayed with Taylor (another OL) because she has an apartment off campus. I like transfer orientation. I don't actually lead a small group, so that was less stress there. Plus all the people transferring in are at the very least sophomores. Which means all the girls on the team were gushing about all the gorgeous guys coming in. That was fun.
So I was talking to a cute guy today. He was flirting with me so hard. Like, every time he would walk past me he'd pinch my waist, we were playing around with each other the whole time during the advising session, he brought up what kind of phone I have just so I would pull it out and he could call himself from it and exchange numbers, and he was always looking at me. Always. And when I would make eye contact he would hold my gaze for so long I had to look away because...well I don't really know why, but I'm no good at staring contests. They tend to get awkward. But we would just be looking at each other for a good ten seconds at the time, which is actually a really long time to just look at someone across the room. He's kind of different though. He doesn't like Facebook all that much, and when he put his name in my phone he said, "But I DON'T text." I'm not sure exactly what that means. We have time to develop this further. The main thing at this point is that I don't overthink everything and rush things in my mind. I'm getting much better about doing that. I think that's what they call "growing up." I'm trying it out a little, you know, testing the waters and all that.
Well I'm off to call my lovely cousin Madison and update her on my life.
I'm glad I came back.
xoxo
I've been thinking a lot about the end of this blog. That's actually a really depressing thing to say/type. But this blog is about my amazing fantastic, totally radical...whatever, its about my freshman year. And technically my freshman year is over (OH MY GOD MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE IS OVER. Okay, done freaking out). I honestly considered just posting one post that said "THE END" but I decided that would be awkward and end up being more like a never ending cliff hanger. I also thought about posting a long post tying all the loose ends I've left over the course of the blog. Then I realized that really the year isn't over. I still have the rest of this month and the whole month of June because you obviously know I'm an OL and I'll have a lot of exciting things happening for a little while longer. So...
Ceeeeelebrate good times, come on!
So to catch you up, Kyla and I went down to Florida after I moved out of the dorm last week to help out my grandma. She broke her foot two weeks ago so she's had trouble keeping the house clean and taking care of my grandpa. Anyway, she paid us for our work, not to mention bought us pedicures and facials and bought me a Fossil crossbody (I've been DYING to own one for many moons now) and basically pampered and spoiled us in any way her restricted body movement could manage (it doesn't take a lot of movement to hand over the credit card). So we had a really nice time. I don't get spoiled by anyone else in my life like that. But that's what grandmas are for, really.
Yesterday and today we had transfer orientations going on at the school. We don't actually move in for the summer until next Friday, so I stayed with Taylor (another OL) because she has an apartment off campus. I like transfer orientation. I don't actually lead a small group, so that was less stress there. Plus all the people transferring in are at the very least sophomores. Which means all the girls on the team were gushing about all the gorgeous guys coming in. That was fun.
So I was talking to a cute guy today. He was flirting with me so hard. Like, every time he would walk past me he'd pinch my waist, we were playing around with each other the whole time during the advising session, he brought up what kind of phone I have just so I would pull it out and he could call himself from it and exchange numbers, and he was always looking at me. Always. And when I would make eye contact he would hold my gaze for so long I had to look away because...well I don't really know why, but I'm no good at staring contests. They tend to get awkward. But we would just be looking at each other for a good ten seconds at the time, which is actually a really long time to just look at someone across the room. He's kind of different though. He doesn't like Facebook all that much, and when he put his name in my phone he said, "But I DON'T text." I'm not sure exactly what that means. We have time to develop this further. The main thing at this point is that I don't overthink everything and rush things in my mind. I'm getting much better about doing that. I think that's what they call "growing up." I'm trying it out a little, you know, testing the waters and all that.
Well I'm off to call my lovely cousin Madison and update her on my life.
I'm glad I came back.
xoxo
4.26.2012
Opening Night
Now Playing: Stand Up - One Direction
I have seriously been so busy lately I've been planning when I can breathe. So sorry I haven't blogged in a while.
The main thing in my life is that TONIGHT IS THE OPENING NIGHT FOR WORKING!! I can't believe it. I'm finally going to be back on the stage (sort of...our stage set up is a bit unorthodox) and in front of an audience. I'm so incredibly excited but I'm nervous at the same time I want to throw up (too much?). Right now I'm just sitting on my bed blogging to you guys because my hair and make up are done. I probably started it a bit early, but oh well. I'm just so excited.
Rehearsals have been taking up my whole life. I've hardly had time to do homework or anything else. In that sense, I'm really glad its almost over. But at the same time, the cast has really bonded and I'm going to miss them a lot. Plus, I won't get to be on stage again until I audition for another play and get a part. Anyway, I love rehearsal time. I remember the first rehearsal. It was so unorganized and no one knew what they were doing. Now we have a show. And its a damn good show.
There's not a lot of other news. I'm just ready for the semester to be over. Two more days of classes, four exams, and then you can stick a fork in me cause I will be a crispy golden-brown DONE. I also get to go home Monday night, which I'm kind of excited about. My sister, Rachal, is being confirmed that night. I'll probably stay until Wednesday just because I can. I think I like being home so much now because being at school is associated with stress and work and I don't like those things. Being at home is associated with doing nothing and relaxing. I like those things.
Next Wednesday I'm auditioning for a play the theatre department is producing next semester. Its about Zorro. Too cool. So I'm excited about that.
Oh, one more thing. They turned me down for the Seahawk Link thing. I was kind of upset, but I kind of expected it too since I couldn't make it to the training dates. It'll be okay, I'll just try again next year.
Okay, I killed just enough time to freshen my make up and leave! WISH ME LUCK!
xoxo
I have seriously been so busy lately I've been planning when I can breathe. So sorry I haven't blogged in a while.
The main thing in my life is that TONIGHT IS THE OPENING NIGHT FOR WORKING!! I can't believe it. I'm finally going to be back on the stage (sort of...our stage set up is a bit unorthodox) and in front of an audience. I'm so incredibly excited but I'm nervous at the same time I want to throw up (too much?). Right now I'm just sitting on my bed blogging to you guys because my hair and make up are done. I probably started it a bit early, but oh well. I'm just so excited.
Rehearsals have been taking up my whole life. I've hardly had time to do homework or anything else. In that sense, I'm really glad its almost over. But at the same time, the cast has really bonded and I'm going to miss them a lot. Plus, I won't get to be on stage again until I audition for another play and get a part. Anyway, I love rehearsal time. I remember the first rehearsal. It was so unorganized and no one knew what they were doing. Now we have a show. And its a damn good show.
There's not a lot of other news. I'm just ready for the semester to be over. Two more days of classes, four exams, and then you can stick a fork in me cause I will be a crispy golden-brown DONE. I also get to go home Monday night, which I'm kind of excited about. My sister, Rachal, is being confirmed that night. I'll probably stay until Wednesday just because I can. I think I like being home so much now because being at school is associated with stress and work and I don't like those things. Being at home is associated with doing nothing and relaxing. I like those things.
Next Wednesday I'm auditioning for a play the theatre department is producing next semester. Its about Zorro. Too cool. So I'm excited about that.
Oh, one more thing. They turned me down for the Seahawk Link thing. I was kind of upset, but I kind of expected it too since I couldn't make it to the training dates. It'll be okay, I'll just try again next year.
Okay, I killed just enough time to freshen my make up and leave! WISH ME LUCK!
xoxo
4.17.2012
Crunch Time
The year is winding down, and EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AT ONCE. I've got finals coming up in less than two weeks, my play opens next Thursday, and all the real orientation stuff is about to start next month. Plus I'll be doing a lot of moving and cleaning in the next few weeks/months. And as always, I'm so overwhelmed that I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
Everytime I start to feel like I have a lot going on, I just stop being productive. Earlier today instead of copying sociology notes or doing psychology homework or reading for my honors seminar or working on my stuff for my play, I watched One Direction videos online. For three hours. THREE HOURS. I could have gotten so much done, but I just...didn't. I think what I really need to start doing is skipping Friends from 11:00-1:00 AM...and GO TO BED. I just don't sleep ever. I go to sleep at two and get up at nine. It sounds like a lot of hours but really its not. Especially since I got zero sleep Thrusday through Saturday nights. I can't even focus on finishing this freaking blog post. So. Stressed. Out.
So...goodnight.
Everytime I start to feel like I have a lot going on, I just stop being productive. Earlier today instead of copying sociology notes or doing psychology homework or reading for my honors seminar or working on my stuff for my play, I watched One Direction videos online. For three hours. THREE HOURS. I could have gotten so much done, but I just...didn't. I think what I really need to start doing is skipping Friends from 11:00-1:00 AM...and GO TO BED. I just don't sleep ever. I go to sleep at two and get up at nine. It sounds like a lot of hours but really its not. Especially since I got zero sleep Thrusday through Saturday nights. I can't even focus on finishing this freaking blog post. So. Stressed. Out.
So...goodnight.
4.14.2012
Now Playing: Vulnerable - Secondhand Serenade
I've been staring at my screen for a very long time because for some reason I can't put to words what I just realized. Not that its an incredible, life-changing epiphany or anything. Its significant enough that I want to blog about it, though.
First, I must say that I had an awesome weekend because my best friend in the whole world Alex finally came and visited Wilmington! She came on Thursday and left today, and last night we and Anna stayed at a hotel in Myrtle Beach. We seriously had an incredible time. I miss hanging out with her so much.
Okay. Its about to get kind of serious.
So I've been feeling pretty desperate to find a boyfriend lately and I'm not really sure why, but more importantly I don't really know what to do about it. I feel like I've been handling it weirdly and I'm not getting any happier or any less desperate. But last night I finally met a guy who was actually really sweet and respectful. And attractive! And even though I'm not going to date/marry/have kids with him for a variety of reasons, it just kind of made me realize that boys like him exist and it is possible for them to be single and attracted to me too. I just have to wait to find one I can keep.
Okay, serious time over. Whew. Anyway, I'm warding off bad boys for good now. I'm feeling much more confident and much less desperate now. Thanks to this boy that I'll never see again.
Funny how things work out sometimes.
xoxo
I've been staring at my screen for a very long time because for some reason I can't put to words what I just realized. Not that its an incredible, life-changing epiphany or anything. Its significant enough that I want to blog about it, though.
First, I must say that I had an awesome weekend because my best friend in the whole world Alex finally came and visited Wilmington! She came on Thursday and left today, and last night we and Anna stayed at a hotel in Myrtle Beach. We seriously had an incredible time. I miss hanging out with her so much.
Okay. Its about to get kind of serious.
So I've been feeling pretty desperate to find a boyfriend lately and I'm not really sure why, but more importantly I don't really know what to do about it. I feel like I've been handling it weirdly and I'm not getting any happier or any less desperate. But last night I finally met a guy who was actually really sweet and respectful. And attractive! And even though I'm not going to date/marry/have kids with him for a variety of reasons, it just kind of made me realize that boys like him exist and it is possible for them to be single and attracted to me too. I just have to wait to find one I can keep.
Okay, serious time over. Whew. Anyway, I'm warding off bad boys for good now. I'm feeling much more confident and much less desperate now. Thanks to this boy that I'll never see again.
Funny how things work out sometimes.
xoxo
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