Why are all boys such jerks? I mean...no thats exactly what I mean. Are there really no guys out there that actually want to have a relationship or actually care about girls at all? I just don't understand why guys don't seem to ever have emotions. Its not that hard to feel.
Maybe I'm just desparate. Maybe thats why I keep looking for different boys, even if I'm not looking in the right places. Maybe I'll take anything.
And maybe my desparation and frustration are the reasons why I'm in love with a fictional character. Peeta Mellark. I wish boys like him existed. I wish someone like him loved me the way he loves Katniss. Its quite pathetic that I dream about fictional characters like this, I know. But can you blame me? Especially since they put Josh Hutcherson's face to the name. Anyway, Peeta is perfect. He's gentle and kind and confident and always says the right thing. Boys like that don't exist in the real world. And I blame authors and movie script writers and all those people that invent perfect boys for my high expectations.
All I know is that Via isn't good at dealing with her boy frustrations. But then again, Olivia isn't either. Maybe I need a new identity. So I guess I'm going to go crawl back into my cocoon now and hope I come out more secure and unflappable this time.
xoxo
3.25.2012
3.23.2012
Friday
I think this is the first Friday that really feels like a Friday. I like it.
I've had a very productive day. I took two tests today, finished the Hunger Games book series, cried a lot because the book was so sad/happy/over (and by a lot, I mean it was pathetic), went to the beach, got a tan line even though it was late afternoon and there was a cold breeze that kept goosebumps on my whole body more than the sun warmed me, and now I'm getting ready to go see The Hunger Games movie!
All I ever want to do now is talk about The Hunger Games. Its really sad. But I just love it. Kudos to Suzanne Collins for bringing out my obsessive side. This happens sometimes. I go through these phases...my longest one yet was the Jonas Brothers. That was about a three year long, all I thought about and all I talked about and all I did on the internet was watch their videos over and over and write fan fiction stories about them kind of obsession. But I was like, 13 or 14. Totally acceptable. Still weird, but acceptable nonetheless.
Anyway, off to The Hunger Games! Eep!
xoxo
I've had a very productive day. I took two tests today, finished the Hunger Games book series, cried a lot because the book was so sad/happy/over (and by a lot, I mean it was pathetic), went to the beach, got a tan line even though it was late afternoon and there was a cold breeze that kept goosebumps on my whole body more than the sun warmed me, and now I'm getting ready to go see The Hunger Games movie!
All I ever want to do now is talk about The Hunger Games. Its really sad. But I just love it. Kudos to Suzanne Collins for bringing out my obsessive side. This happens sometimes. I go through these phases...my longest one yet was the Jonas Brothers. That was about a three year long, all I thought about and all I talked about and all I did on the internet was watch their videos over and over and write fan fiction stories about them kind of obsession. But I was like, 13 or 14. Totally acceptable. Still weird, but acceptable nonetheless.
Anyway, off to The Hunger Games! Eep!
xoxo
3.20.2012
Picking right back up
Today was very busy for me. Classes from 10-3:15, Seahawk Link group interview from 5-7:30, Working rehearsal from 7-10 (I got there late, obviously). I was so pooped when I got back, I couldn't even think about doing homework. So I read for a while and took a nice shower.
The group interview went pretty well. Kenzie was in the same one as me, and she said I did well. She did well also. I felt the same about that one that I did after the one for OL, so thats probably a good thing. But there were more people in this interview that I felt competition from (is that wrong to feel? I don't know. Not saying I didn't like them, they were just doing really well, which is not good for me) than when I did my OL group interview. But I really just have to blow them away in my individual interview next Tuesday and I should be golden. As long as they don't cut me beforehand. After all, there are two of the three mandatory training dates that I won't be able to be there the whole time. They're on the same days as my Working performances. Which makes me really nervous.
Rehearsal went well also. It was fun! I've missed doing stuff like learning all the different parts of harmonies to songs and being in a group of people that I share important interests with. They were really awesome. Plus Bruno (OL that is on the dance committee also...not sure if I've mentioned him before) is in the musical, so I'll at least have one friend. I love Bruno, he's awesome. But I was talking to two of the other girls in the cast and they were both really nice. And one of the guys in the cast is pretty attractive, so at least my eyes will have some candy. We have rehearsal again tomorrow and Wednesday night. Honestly, I have no clue when I'm going to eat on Wednesday. But I guess it will be the same as today, so I suppose I'll manage. I just hope I find time to do all the homework thats due on Friday and study for my two tests on Friday.
Sigh. My life just got really busy again. I had a wonderful week of rest, and then got thrown into a fiery week of hell. Once again...sigh.
Thank God I don't have class tomorrow until two. I suppose I'll get up and do some homework and wash clothes or something. But at least I get to sleep in a little. I value the time I get to sleep. Maybe I won't get up early...
Speaking of sleep...I need some now. Goodnight!
The group interview went pretty well. Kenzie was in the same one as me, and she said I did well. She did well also. I felt the same about that one that I did after the one for OL, so thats probably a good thing. But there were more people in this interview that I felt competition from (is that wrong to feel? I don't know. Not saying I didn't like them, they were just doing really well, which is not good for me) than when I did my OL group interview. But I really just have to blow them away in my individual interview next Tuesday and I should be golden. As long as they don't cut me beforehand. After all, there are two of the three mandatory training dates that I won't be able to be there the whole time. They're on the same days as my Working performances. Which makes me really nervous.
Rehearsal went well also. It was fun! I've missed doing stuff like learning all the different parts of harmonies to songs and being in a group of people that I share important interests with. They were really awesome. Plus Bruno (OL that is on the dance committee also...not sure if I've mentioned him before) is in the musical, so I'll at least have one friend. I love Bruno, he's awesome. But I was talking to two of the other girls in the cast and they were both really nice. And one of the guys in the cast is pretty attractive, so at least my eyes will have some candy. We have rehearsal again tomorrow and Wednesday night. Honestly, I have no clue when I'm going to eat on Wednesday. But I guess it will be the same as today, so I suppose I'll manage. I just hope I find time to do all the homework thats due on Friday and study for my two tests on Friday.
Sigh. My life just got really busy again. I had a wonderful week of rest, and then got thrown into a fiery week of hell. Once again...sigh.
Thank God I don't have class tomorrow until two. I suppose I'll get up and do some homework and wash clothes or something. But at least I get to sleep in a little. I value the time I get to sleep. Maybe I won't get up early...
Speaking of sleep...I need some now. Goodnight!
3.18.2012
Post Spring Break
Now Playing: Sara Bareilles - Say You're Sorry
I hate when I stop blogging every day and have way too much to catch you guys up on. Well, not a WHOLE lot happened over break, but it was definitely fun. I went down to my grandma's in Florida on Monday with Anna. My grandma absolutely spoiled me. She paid for everything while I was there, took us out to eat every night, took me shopping, paid for a facial and a pedicure...I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel so relaxed now, like I could take on anything. Including the rest of this semester. As much as I don't want to be back in school yet, I will never get over how happy I am when I'm in Wilmington. And I just feel like I can finish this year with a real bang now.
In addition to all the goodies Grandma supplied, Anna and I went up to Gainesville (which is where UF, the Gators, reside) and went clubbing on Thursday night. We met a guy that worked at the Outback the night before while eating there with Grandma and we met up with him Thursday. He and his roommates were really nice. He was very complimentary as well. And one of his roommates was gorgeous. Anyway, Friday Anna and I met my wonderful cousin Madison and her friend in Clearwater Beach. It was breathtakingly gorgeous there. There was a bridge that curved around, connecting Clearwater the city to Clearwater Beach, and the view from the bridge was just something else entirely. Its gulf water there, so it was bright blue and peaceful. And it was such a beautiful day too. So we had a good couple of hours at the beach, then went back to Madison's house and picked up my other cousin Darian to go out to eat. I miss them so much, so I'm especially grateful I got to see them for a little while. So over all, my spring break was pretty amazing.
There's this guy. I used to practically be in love with him. For a really long time, in fact. We used to be best friends, but for some reason we never had the right timing. He would like me when I didn't feel the same, I would like him when he was trying to be with some other girl. We've never dated, we've never even kissed, but somehow he used to have this leash on me that, anytime I would pull away, he would push a little button and pull me right back to him. This went on for years, and I always thought that one day we'd actually both want to be with each other at the same time. But then I found out a lot of bad things about him, and I got really pissed off and told him not to talk to me again. I think that was mainly me being angry at the fact that we hadn't really tried to make anything work between us before, and I always had that hope that something would happen and it always ended up being crushed to pieces. That was the end of last school year. The next time I talked to him was two days after my birthday in December. By then I wasn't angry anymore, but I was scared to even have a conversation with him because I thought that leash was still tight around my neck. But I had one conversation with him in which he told me happy birthday, and it was pleasant, and it was over. His birthday was yesterday. And I knew that if I didn't tell him happy birthday, I'd feel like the biggest douche alive. So I text him and we had a really nice talk. He said he missed me, I said I miss us being best friends. Which I do, because he's so funny and we always make each other laugh. Then he said he wanted to see me when I got home (we were still on our way back at this point). I had to really think about it. Part of me wanted to see him too, but was that the leash? Or was that the nostalgic part of me that just missed him because he's, well, him? I decided to let him come see me. We ended up hanging out for a couple of hours, and it was really nice. And there's a chemistry between us that's hard to describe but has always been there. I don't think that will ever go away. But the best part is, when he text me a smiley face after dropping me off at my house and leaving, I didn't get that butterfly feeling in my stomach. I didn't feel happy because I thought "Yes! Its finally going to happen this time!" I felt happy because I finally realized that I'm over it. The leash is cut, and a huge weight has been lifted off my heart. I finally outgrew him. And that was the best gift he will ever give me. Complete closure.
I guess if anyone were to ask me if I have some epic love story, that would be the closest thing I've got. Which is odd, because seriously, we've never even kissed. Its just...the way he used to make me feel. Used to.
One last thing, my friend asked for a shout out in this post, so this one is for you, Chadford!
Anyway, The Walking Dead season finale comes on in ten, so I'm off. Peace and love. <3
I hate when I stop blogging every day and have way too much to catch you guys up on. Well, not a WHOLE lot happened over break, but it was definitely fun. I went down to my grandma's in Florida on Monday with Anna. My grandma absolutely spoiled me. She paid for everything while I was there, took us out to eat every night, took me shopping, paid for a facial and a pedicure...I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel so relaxed now, like I could take on anything. Including the rest of this semester. As much as I don't want to be back in school yet, I will never get over how happy I am when I'm in Wilmington. And I just feel like I can finish this year with a real bang now.
In addition to all the goodies Grandma supplied, Anna and I went up to Gainesville (which is where UF, the Gators, reside) and went clubbing on Thursday night. We met a guy that worked at the Outback the night before while eating there with Grandma and we met up with him Thursday. He and his roommates were really nice. He was very complimentary as well. And one of his roommates was gorgeous. Anyway, Friday Anna and I met my wonderful cousin Madison and her friend in Clearwater Beach. It was breathtakingly gorgeous there. There was a bridge that curved around, connecting Clearwater the city to Clearwater Beach, and the view from the bridge was just something else entirely. Its gulf water there, so it was bright blue and peaceful. And it was such a beautiful day too. So we had a good couple of hours at the beach, then went back to Madison's house and picked up my other cousin Darian to go out to eat. I miss them so much, so I'm especially grateful I got to see them for a little while. So over all, my spring break was pretty amazing.
There's this guy. I used to practically be in love with him. For a really long time, in fact. We used to be best friends, but for some reason we never had the right timing. He would like me when I didn't feel the same, I would like him when he was trying to be with some other girl. We've never dated, we've never even kissed, but somehow he used to have this leash on me that, anytime I would pull away, he would push a little button and pull me right back to him. This went on for years, and I always thought that one day we'd actually both want to be with each other at the same time. But then I found out a lot of bad things about him, and I got really pissed off and told him not to talk to me again. I think that was mainly me being angry at the fact that we hadn't really tried to make anything work between us before, and I always had that hope that something would happen and it always ended up being crushed to pieces. That was the end of last school year. The next time I talked to him was two days after my birthday in December. By then I wasn't angry anymore, but I was scared to even have a conversation with him because I thought that leash was still tight around my neck. But I had one conversation with him in which he told me happy birthday, and it was pleasant, and it was over. His birthday was yesterday. And I knew that if I didn't tell him happy birthday, I'd feel like the biggest douche alive. So I text him and we had a really nice talk. He said he missed me, I said I miss us being best friends. Which I do, because he's so funny and we always make each other laugh. Then he said he wanted to see me when I got home (we were still on our way back at this point). I had to really think about it. Part of me wanted to see him too, but was that the leash? Or was that the nostalgic part of me that just missed him because he's, well, him? I decided to let him come see me. We ended up hanging out for a couple of hours, and it was really nice. And there's a chemistry between us that's hard to describe but has always been there. I don't think that will ever go away. But the best part is, when he text me a smiley face after dropping me off at my house and leaving, I didn't get that butterfly feeling in my stomach. I didn't feel happy because I thought "Yes! Its finally going to happen this time!" I felt happy because I finally realized that I'm over it. The leash is cut, and a huge weight has been lifted off my heart. I finally outgrew him. And that was the best gift he will ever give me. Complete closure.
I guess if anyone were to ask me if I have some epic love story, that would be the closest thing I've got. Which is odd, because seriously, we've never even kissed. Its just...the way he used to make me feel. Used to.
One last thing, my friend asked for a shout out in this post, so this one is for you, Chadford!
Anyway, The Walking Dead season finale comes on in ten, so I'm off. Peace and love. <3
3.11.2012
Spring Break
SROW. Was. Amazing.
It was pretty much like a cheerleading camp on crack. We screamed cheers the whole time, and not just ours but other schools' as well. I met a lot of really cool people and learned a lot from the sessions I went to. And it was a really good bonding experience for the team. I feel even closer to them now than ever.
I can't even describe the feeling. There were SO MANY PEOPLE. It was a bit overwhelming at times. There were schools from nine different states: North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana. It made me realize that being an Orientation Leader isn't just about helping your school. You're part of a community. All these teams are just from our region, too. I can't imagine how many Orientation Leaders are actually out there. It makes my job feel that much more important. And it was really cool listening to people from other schools talk about the different ways they run their orientations. Some people take it as a class for credit hours, some people only meet a couple of times a year, some people have a core group of OLs and a large group of helpers. Its fascinating.
I was introducing myself as Via to everyone, and it made me feel so good when I would see those people later and say hey and they would respond, "Hey, Via!" I can't tell you how much I love that.
Okay, I do have to throw this in there. We didn't win (or even place) in the dance competition. Bummer. But the school that did win absolutely deserved it. They also won the spirit competition. But it doesn't matter that much. Our dance is still really good and I'm still really proud of us. And about spirit, I feel so much more proud to be from UNCW now than I ever have. At SROW, we're like celebrities. People came up to us countless times and requested we do a specific cheer that has somehow become famous among our region. And every time we do that cheer, you can see random people all over the place doing the motions with us. There were even some schools that wanted pictures with us! It was insane.
Today, however, I feel awful. I developed a sinus infection over the weekend, I'm losing my voice, I've hardly gotten any sleep, and now its that time of month so I feel nauseous and disgusting. But its all worth the weekend I had. It was nonstop dancing, cheering, strolling, laughing, and generally feeling good. I just love it.
And even though I'm so, so sad that its over (the worst part of going on awesome trips; they always end), I at least have Florida to look forward to! Its supposed to be 85 degrees and sunny all week. I just need some time to sit back and relax. Maybe I'll get a head start on my tan. I'm also going to read The Hunger Games, since I finished my other book series.
One more thing, please say a prayer for my brother's girlfriend. I won't go into details, but she's having a bit of a hard time right now. And if you're not religious, that's fine, just keep her in your thoughts.
Well I suppose that's all. This blog really helps me get my life figured out. I was feeling really down right before I started writing (hormones?) but after reflecting on the good times I had, I feel so much better.
So, thank you. If you guys didn't read, I probably wouldn't be writing anymore.
It was pretty much like a cheerleading camp on crack. We screamed cheers the whole time, and not just ours but other schools' as well. I met a lot of really cool people and learned a lot from the sessions I went to. And it was a really good bonding experience for the team. I feel even closer to them now than ever.
I can't even describe the feeling. There were SO MANY PEOPLE. It was a bit overwhelming at times. There were schools from nine different states: North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana. It made me realize that being an Orientation Leader isn't just about helping your school. You're part of a community. All these teams are just from our region, too. I can't imagine how many Orientation Leaders are actually out there. It makes my job feel that much more important. And it was really cool listening to people from other schools talk about the different ways they run their orientations. Some people take it as a class for credit hours, some people only meet a couple of times a year, some people have a core group of OLs and a large group of helpers. Its fascinating.
I was introducing myself as Via to everyone, and it made me feel so good when I would see those people later and say hey and they would respond, "Hey, Via!" I can't tell you how much I love that.
Okay, I do have to throw this in there. We didn't win (or even place) in the dance competition. Bummer. But the school that did win absolutely deserved it. They also won the spirit competition. But it doesn't matter that much. Our dance is still really good and I'm still really proud of us. And about spirit, I feel so much more proud to be from UNCW now than I ever have. At SROW, we're like celebrities. People came up to us countless times and requested we do a specific cheer that has somehow become famous among our region. And every time we do that cheer, you can see random people all over the place doing the motions with us. There were even some schools that wanted pictures with us! It was insane.
Today, however, I feel awful. I developed a sinus infection over the weekend, I'm losing my voice, I've hardly gotten any sleep, and now its that time of month so I feel nauseous and disgusting. But its all worth the weekend I had. It was nonstop dancing, cheering, strolling, laughing, and generally feeling good. I just love it.
And even though I'm so, so sad that its over (the worst part of going on awesome trips; they always end), I at least have Florida to look forward to! Its supposed to be 85 degrees and sunny all week. I just need some time to sit back and relax. Maybe I'll get a head start on my tan. I'm also going to read The Hunger Games, since I finished my other book series.
One more thing, please say a prayer for my brother's girlfriend. I won't go into details, but she's having a bit of a hard time right now. And if you're not religious, that's fine, just keep her in your thoughts.
Well I suppose that's all. This blog really helps me get my life figured out. I was feeling really down right before I started writing (hormones?) but after reflecting on the good times I had, I feel so much better.
So, thank you. If you guys didn't read, I probably wouldn't be writing anymore.
3.05.2012
Hanging in there
I just have to make it through Thursday. Thats all. Three more days, then its SROW, then its Florida for spring break. Breathe. Just breathe.
That book I told you I started reading...I finished it. And the second one in the series. And now I'm on the third/final book. I have been reading like crazy. But not so crazy that I haven't been getting my work done! I wrote the outline for my paper Saturday and my actual paper Sunday, and its quite good, if I do say so myself. My mom and dad said so as well. Anyway, the books are amazing. If you want to read, the first one is called Uglies. Sounds silly, but trust me...its awesome.
Anyway, I don't even have much to talk about today. All I'm going to say is that I'm done with boys who don't want a relationship. That's all. I'm done with it. I'm not going to waste my time on the boys who, as they say, "only want one thing." I'm not giving them that anyway so there's no point for anyone. And it makes me feel down on myself sometimes because I feel like when a guy looks at me and just wants a hook-up, he doesn't see me as a person, just someone who might be attractive through unfocused eyes. And that makes me upset because boys need to stop looking at girls as if none of us have any substance. Whatever. I'm just done with all that.
And now that I'm done ranting, I think I'll go read! I've missed this feeling so much.
That book I told you I started reading...I finished it. And the second one in the series. And now I'm on the third/final book. I have been reading like crazy. But not so crazy that I haven't been getting my work done! I wrote the outline for my paper Saturday and my actual paper Sunday, and its quite good, if I do say so myself. My mom and dad said so as well. Anyway, the books are amazing. If you want to read, the first one is called Uglies. Sounds silly, but trust me...its awesome.
Anyway, I don't even have much to talk about today. All I'm going to say is that I'm done with boys who don't want a relationship. That's all. I'm done with it. I'm not going to waste my time on the boys who, as they say, "only want one thing." I'm not giving them that anyway so there's no point for anyone. And it makes me feel down on myself sometimes because I feel like when a guy looks at me and just wants a hook-up, he doesn't see me as a person, just someone who might be attractive through unfocused eyes. And that makes me upset because boys need to stop looking at girls as if none of us have any substance. Whatever. I'm just done with all that.
And now that I'm done ranting, I think I'll go read! I've missed this feeling so much.
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