There are pictures of Bob on his Facebook making cute little pumpkins with his ex and having a jolly good time. And in one of them, they're kissing.
Forget friends. Forget lunch. Forget anything. I'm done.
10.31.2011
10.30.2011
Whatta Bust
So this weekend definitely did not live up to my expectations. I was so pumped to go to a big city (Charlotte is the biggest city in the state!) and have so many options of events to attend and to get dressed up in my costume and go to a Halloween party and have a lot of fun.
We went to a haunted house and watched two scary movies.
What kind of Halloween weekend is that?! On the bright side, I did get to sleep in, which felt nice. But it was just such a waste of gas and so disappointing. The haunted house was really freaking cool, and I met one of Alyssa's friends and she was nice. But that's it.
I really, really hope there's something going on tomorrow night around here. If not, I seriously spent $50 on my costume for NOTHING. And I will be VERY upset.
We went to a haunted house and watched two scary movies.
What kind of Halloween weekend is that?! On the bright side, I did get to sleep in, which felt nice. But it was just such a waste of gas and so disappointing. The haunted house was really freaking cool, and I met one of Alyssa's friends and she was nice. But that's it.
I really, really hope there's something going on tomorrow night around here. If not, I seriously spent $50 on my costume for NOTHING. And I will be VERY upset.
10.28.2011
Disconnected
I have been having such HORRIBLE blogging withdrawals. But I finally got my laptop back today! Thank the Lord God in heaven. Seriously, having my own laptop is SO much easier. I have spent the majority of this past week in the library. Nice place to focus, but really inconvenient.
The main thing that's going on right now is that we're struggling once again to come up with money to keep, me in school. When I was home on Sunday, my dad told me that it was more than likely that I would be home for the spring semester. I was about to have another panic attack right in the middle of the restaurant we were eating. I never had a panic attack before I was told that I couldn't come to school. And now that I've been here, I can't just go back. But I think we're working it out with a loan, so it might turn out fine. I hope. I'm praying about it...hard.
I'm going to Charlotte this weekend with Alyssa (that's where she's from). I'm so excited! We're going to hang out with her friends that go to UNC Charlotte and possibly go see One Republic Saturday night for $15! Hopefully there will be a costume party going on somewhere. I'm going to be Princess Jasmine, which is AWESOME because I'm half Indian. Reppin' it.
Bob and I still go to lunch every other day, but there's nothing there anymore. We don't hang out or even really talk other than that. Its weird sometimes. Its like nothing ever happened. But at the same time, I'm kind of infatuated with this beautiful guy in my theatre class who I've never said two words to and whose head it stuck too far up his own butt that he doesn't even notice I exist...but still. He's GORGEOUS. When I see him, I'm like, "....Bob who? *drool*" Of course, this only happens in my head. I mean, I can control myself a little bit.
I got a B on that lab practical I was freaking out about! I was so scared while she was passing out other papers that I failed or made a D, so my B was definitely welcomed with wide freaking open arms.
Other than that, I'm just really exhausted. I took two tests yesterday, then I went home today for two doctors appointment. And right now I'm just ready to sleep. I feel like I deserve a little bit of that.
I'm so glad to be reconnected now. I've missed doing this.
The main thing that's going on right now is that we're struggling once again to come up with money to keep, me in school. When I was home on Sunday, my dad told me that it was more than likely that I would be home for the spring semester. I was about to have another panic attack right in the middle of the restaurant we were eating. I never had a panic attack before I was told that I couldn't come to school. And now that I've been here, I can't just go back. But I think we're working it out with a loan, so it might turn out fine. I hope. I'm praying about it...hard.
I'm going to Charlotte this weekend with Alyssa (that's where she's from). I'm so excited! We're going to hang out with her friends that go to UNC Charlotte and possibly go see One Republic Saturday night for $15! Hopefully there will be a costume party going on somewhere. I'm going to be Princess Jasmine, which is AWESOME because I'm half Indian. Reppin' it.
Bob and I still go to lunch every other day, but there's nothing there anymore. We don't hang out or even really talk other than that. Its weird sometimes. Its like nothing ever happened. But at the same time, I'm kind of infatuated with this beautiful guy in my theatre class who I've never said two words to and whose head it stuck too far up his own butt that he doesn't even notice I exist...but still. He's GORGEOUS. When I see him, I'm like, "....Bob who? *drool*" Of course, this only happens in my head. I mean, I can control myself a little bit.
I got a B on that lab practical I was freaking out about! I was so scared while she was passing out other papers that I failed or made a D, so my B was definitely welcomed with wide freaking open arms.
Other than that, I'm just really exhausted. I took two tests yesterday, then I went home today for two doctors appointment. And right now I'm just ready to sleep. I feel like I deserve a little bit of that.
I'm so glad to be reconnected now. I've missed doing this.
10.20.2011
Embarrassed.
Before I get to the most embarrassing moment of my life, I have a few updates.
I'm currently not using my own laptop. My suite mate accidentally knocked mine off my desk. I have to take it to Office Depot when I go home this weekend (yes, I'm going home again. My friend from work is getting married!) and see if they can fix it. I hope to God they can. Seriously, pray for me. All my stuff is on my laptop. All of it.
Also, last night at CCM, a nun from France was in town. She's the nun in our ministry's boss. And she had a man with her. He was twenty-six and beautiful. And he had the cutest accent. I was swooning. After Mass, all of us there were asking him questions about how things are in France compared to America, how to say things in French, etc. We were talking about why making out is called French kissing (which he didn't know, because they don't call it that in France. "Is just keesing!" he said. So cute) and it was a really funny conversation. He said he thought it might be called that because of the double-cheek kiss thing they do. So before I left, I asked him if we could do the kiss thing that French people do to say bye, to which he replied, "Sure, ve cahn French kees!" We all DIED laughing. Then I "French kissed" him (sadly, I do mean the double-cheek kiss one) and it made me wonder why we don't do that in America because its just so freaking cute.
Moving on. My RA came in to the room when Alyssa (my suite mate...I'm not sure if I've talked about her before) and I were in here just before four. She asked if we wanted to go to an event called Pig Out, and we went with her and a few other people on the hall. Basically there was free food and they were giving away some free stuff (including t-shirts!). It was really an excuse for organizations on campus to provide fun little games to play while informing us of services offered to students. Anyway, there was one of those huge blow up obstacle courses that you always see on TV but never in real life. I've ALWAYS wanted to go through one of those obstacles. Then one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen (he's a cop on campus. I see him all the time and every time I do, my heart melts just a little...) came over with drunk goggles for people to race with. We all thought it would be funny. So I raced this girl with drunk goggles on and it was a lot of fun.
Another girl came up a few minutes later and said she wanted to go but didn't have a racing partner, so I said I'd race her. I put on the other pair of goggles, which apparently were the "more drunk" goggles, and I could tell immediately that they were. I felt completely disoriented before I even walked anywhere yet. The hot cop told us that he wanted us to sprint to the blow up thing and dive into the tunnel. So he spun me around a few times (OMGOMGOMG his hands were all over me...well my shoulders) and I took off running. I almost didn't make it into the tunnel. I fumbled through the course, barely made it out alive and on top of that lost the race. There was a crowd of people watching as I ran back towards them. I was swaying back and forth, then all of a sudden I felt something hard against my big toe, and the next thing I know I'm laying on my back staring at the sky above me with a chorus of "Oohhhhhh"'s resounding from the crowd. I started laughing, because really it was funny and I'm not too easily embarrassed, and threw my hands up in victory from the ground. Before I could even catch my breath and get the goggles all the way off my face, the hot cop was standing over my offering me his hands. He helped me up and I walked back towards everyone, avoiding his eyes but laughing so I didn't look awkward. I shook it off and no one said anything to me. But I kind of wish they would have so I could at least make a joke about it. Even after I had taken the goggles off and gotten back to where my RA was standing, I still felt so dizzy. She took me over to the side a little and we sat down together (she is so awesome) while she giggled and told me she wished she had a camera with her. On the plus side, maybe now the hot cop will recognize me around campus...
Needless to say, I will probably never ever get that drunk. Ever. And if I do, I probably won't race anyone through an inflatable obstacle course.
I'm currently not using my own laptop. My suite mate accidentally knocked mine off my desk. I have to take it to Office Depot when I go home this weekend (yes, I'm going home again. My friend from work is getting married!) and see if they can fix it. I hope to God they can. Seriously, pray for me. All my stuff is on my laptop. All of it.
Also, last night at CCM, a nun from France was in town. She's the nun in our ministry's boss. And she had a man with her. He was twenty-six and beautiful. And he had the cutest accent. I was swooning. After Mass, all of us there were asking him questions about how things are in France compared to America, how to say things in French, etc. We were talking about why making out is called French kissing (which he didn't know, because they don't call it that in France. "Is just keesing!" he said. So cute) and it was a really funny conversation. He said he thought it might be called that because of the double-cheek kiss thing they do. So before I left, I asked him if we could do the kiss thing that French people do to say bye, to which he replied, "Sure, ve cahn French kees!" We all DIED laughing. Then I "French kissed" him (sadly, I do mean the double-cheek kiss one) and it made me wonder why we don't do that in America because its just so freaking cute.
Moving on. My RA came in to the room when Alyssa (my suite mate...I'm not sure if I've talked about her before) and I were in here just before four. She asked if we wanted to go to an event called Pig Out, and we went with her and a few other people on the hall. Basically there was free food and they were giving away some free stuff (including t-shirts!). It was really an excuse for organizations on campus to provide fun little games to play while informing us of services offered to students. Anyway, there was one of those huge blow up obstacle courses that you always see on TV but never in real life. I've ALWAYS wanted to go through one of those obstacles. Then one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen (he's a cop on campus. I see him all the time and every time I do, my heart melts just a little...) came over with drunk goggles for people to race with. We all thought it would be funny. So I raced this girl with drunk goggles on and it was a lot of fun.
Another girl came up a few minutes later and said she wanted to go but didn't have a racing partner, so I said I'd race her. I put on the other pair of goggles, which apparently were the "more drunk" goggles, and I could tell immediately that they were. I felt completely disoriented before I even walked anywhere yet. The hot cop told us that he wanted us to sprint to the blow up thing and dive into the tunnel. So he spun me around a few times (OMGOMGOMG his hands were all over me...well my shoulders) and I took off running. I almost didn't make it into the tunnel. I fumbled through the course, barely made it out alive and on top of that lost the race. There was a crowd of people watching as I ran back towards them. I was swaying back and forth, then all of a sudden I felt something hard against my big toe, and the next thing I know I'm laying on my back staring at the sky above me with a chorus of "Oohhhhhh"'s resounding from the crowd. I started laughing, because really it was funny and I'm not too easily embarrassed, and threw my hands up in victory from the ground. Before I could even catch my breath and get the goggles all the way off my face, the hot cop was standing over my offering me his hands. He helped me up and I walked back towards everyone, avoiding his eyes but laughing so I didn't look awkward. I shook it off and no one said anything to me. But I kind of wish they would have so I could at least make a joke about it. Even after I had taken the goggles off and gotten back to where my RA was standing, I still felt so dizzy. She took me over to the side a little and we sat down together (she is so awesome) while she giggled and told me she wished she had a camera with her. On the plus side, maybe now the hot cop will recognize me around campus...
Needless to say, I will probably never ever get that drunk. Ever. And if I do, I probably won't race anyone through an inflatable obstacle course.
10.16.2011
P.S...
I posted that, then realized that I didn't end with a moral. I know, I know, how could I forget to teach the lesson??
And so, the moral of the story is be careful who you become friends with. People who like to drink way too much and get angry when they get drunk are not safe people to hang out with. Also, don't try to talk things out until everyone is sober and thinking rationally. That doesn't just go for situations where alcohol is involved, that includes anyone and anything. Even when people are sober and just angry, its better to let them cool off first before you try to rationalize with them.
And now I'm really done. I will never mention this again, because like I said, I HATE DRAMA. I just thought the story was ridiculous enough to share. You're welcome.
And so, the moral of the story is be careful who you become friends with. People who like to drink way too much and get angry when they get drunk are not safe people to hang out with. Also, don't try to talk things out until everyone is sober and thinking rationally. That doesn't just go for situations where alcohol is involved, that includes anyone and anything. Even when people are sober and just angry, its better to let them cool off first before you try to rationalize with them.
And now I'm really done. I will never mention this again, because like I said, I HATE DRAMA. I just thought the story was ridiculous enough to share. You're welcome.
DRAMA
I. Hate. Drama.
Seriously, I can be dramatic sometimes when I tell stories and things like that, but I HATE girl drama. Hate it. But this weekend, my suite mates experienced some. And by some, I mean so much that the whole story is completely ridiculous and even my RA laughed at it.
So I went out with two of my suitemates and a girl thats friends with them last night. I'm going to rename them for privacy purposes. My suitemates will be Amber and Kat and the other girl will be Stacy. Amber and Stacy went to high school together. Amber introduced Stacy to my other two suite mates and the three of them became really close and have been since the beginning of the school year. Stacy goes out with us anytime we go anywhere and goes out with them more than I do, even though she doesn't even live in our dorm. So last night we were at a party and Amber wanted to leave before everyone else was. She said something to Stacy and Kat about leaving soon and how we were getting back, and Stacy mouthed off to her and said something rude. So Amber walked away because she was mad. Stacy tried to apologize a few minutes later, but Amber told her to get out of her face and that she didn't want to talk about it. So Stacy (who has emotional issues, especially when intoxicated) ran outside and started crying about it to Kat. Apparently there was more behind her sadness than we knew about, but thats beside the point. So Kat tried to get Amber and I to go talk to Stacy about it and work things out. I kept saying that I really didn't want to, that I hate drama and I didn't want to get in the middle of it. But they pulled me out of my chair and we walked out by the street outside the house to talk. I stayed a good distance back, so I didn't hear what they were saying, but all of a sudden Stacy and Amber started arguing. Stacy turned around to walk away, Amber said something to her, and Stacy whipped back around, ran straight at Amber, balled up her fist and clocked her in the right ear.
Yes. That really happened. None of us knew what to do exactly. It was kind of surreal because we were all thinking, "...did she really just do that?" It was so completely unnecessary and stupid.
But that's only the beginning.
Amber started freaking out and threatening to call the cops, at which point everyone broke out of there stupified trances and started freaking out and trying to calm her down. Kat ran after Stacy to walk with her back to the dorm and Amber and I got a ride from someone. When we got back, Amber called the police because she thought she might have had a concussion and she didn't want Stacy anywhere near our dorm. So the police came and talked to us for a while, got Stacy's information, got Amber's information, and basically said since we were off campus there was nothing they could do about pressing charges, that Amber would have to talk to the Wilmington Police Department for that, but that Stacy would be getting in a lot of trouble nonetheless. The officer also hinted to Amber that it would be a good idea to go to the hospital and get her head checked out, even though the paramedic from the EMS said she would probably be fine. So Amber rode off in an ambulance, I followed in Amber's car, the hospital said the exact same thing that the EMS guy said, and it was all a big waste of time.
Oh, side story. While we were sitting there waiting for the nurse to tell us we could leave, a guy a few curtain-rooms down took off all his clothes are started peeing on the floor. And all the nurses were laughing at him. It was really strange, but SO funny.
Anyway, when we were checking out of the hospital, a guy from Housing at UNCW came up to us and Amber had to tell the whole story over again to him. This morning, a police officer came to our room and gave Amber a drinking ticket. Stacy got one too. Stacy is also getting in a lot more trouble. I feel kind of bad for her, because she has a lot of issues, but none of those are an excuse to punch someone you're supposed to be friends with. PLUS, get this, she tried to turn the story around and say that when Amber put her hands up to stop Stacy from rushing at her, she was actually trying to choke Stacy and that's why Stacy hit her. This really ticked off Kat, and its been decided that Stacy will no longer be going out with us and that, if they ever become friends again, its going to take some time and it won't be the same. Kat said that it isn't the fact that Stacy punched Amber, its the fact that she's trying to lie about what happened.
So, things went down this weekend. And to top it off, because of all the drama I didn't get the guy's phone number that had been flirting with me the whole night. Which might be a big reason why I'm so upset about the situation. Mom said I should get revenge on them for that, because that's messed up. My mom. Always looking out for me.
The end!
Seriously, I can be dramatic sometimes when I tell stories and things like that, but I HATE girl drama. Hate it. But this weekend, my suite mates experienced some. And by some, I mean so much that the whole story is completely ridiculous and even my RA laughed at it.
So I went out with two of my suitemates and a girl thats friends with them last night. I'm going to rename them for privacy purposes. My suitemates will be Amber and Kat and the other girl will be Stacy. Amber and Stacy went to high school together. Amber introduced Stacy to my other two suite mates and the three of them became really close and have been since the beginning of the school year. Stacy goes out with us anytime we go anywhere and goes out with them more than I do, even though she doesn't even live in our dorm. So last night we were at a party and Amber wanted to leave before everyone else was. She said something to Stacy and Kat about leaving soon and how we were getting back, and Stacy mouthed off to her and said something rude. So Amber walked away because she was mad. Stacy tried to apologize a few minutes later, but Amber told her to get out of her face and that she didn't want to talk about it. So Stacy (who has emotional issues, especially when intoxicated) ran outside and started crying about it to Kat. Apparently there was more behind her sadness than we knew about, but thats beside the point. So Kat tried to get Amber and I to go talk to Stacy about it and work things out. I kept saying that I really didn't want to, that I hate drama and I didn't want to get in the middle of it. But they pulled me out of my chair and we walked out by the street outside the house to talk. I stayed a good distance back, so I didn't hear what they were saying, but all of a sudden Stacy and Amber started arguing. Stacy turned around to walk away, Amber said something to her, and Stacy whipped back around, ran straight at Amber, balled up her fist and clocked her in the right ear.
Yes. That really happened. None of us knew what to do exactly. It was kind of surreal because we were all thinking, "...did she really just do that?" It was so completely unnecessary and stupid.
But that's only the beginning.
Amber started freaking out and threatening to call the cops, at which point everyone broke out of there stupified trances and started freaking out and trying to calm her down. Kat ran after Stacy to walk with her back to the dorm and Amber and I got a ride from someone. When we got back, Amber called the police because she thought she might have had a concussion and she didn't want Stacy anywhere near our dorm. So the police came and talked to us for a while, got Stacy's information, got Amber's information, and basically said since we were off campus there was nothing they could do about pressing charges, that Amber would have to talk to the Wilmington Police Department for that, but that Stacy would be getting in a lot of trouble nonetheless. The officer also hinted to Amber that it would be a good idea to go to the hospital and get her head checked out, even though the paramedic from the EMS said she would probably be fine. So Amber rode off in an ambulance, I followed in Amber's car, the hospital said the exact same thing that the EMS guy said, and it was all a big waste of time.
Oh, side story. While we were sitting there waiting for the nurse to tell us we could leave, a guy a few curtain-rooms down took off all his clothes are started peeing on the floor. And all the nurses were laughing at him. It was really strange, but SO funny.
Anyway, when we were checking out of the hospital, a guy from Housing at UNCW came up to us and Amber had to tell the whole story over again to him. This morning, a police officer came to our room and gave Amber a drinking ticket. Stacy got one too. Stacy is also getting in a lot more trouble. I feel kind of bad for her, because she has a lot of issues, but none of those are an excuse to punch someone you're supposed to be friends with. PLUS, get this, she tried to turn the story around and say that when Amber put her hands up to stop Stacy from rushing at her, she was actually trying to choke Stacy and that's why Stacy hit her. This really ticked off Kat, and its been decided that Stacy will no longer be going out with us and that, if they ever become friends again, its going to take some time and it won't be the same. Kat said that it isn't the fact that Stacy punched Amber, its the fact that she's trying to lie about what happened.
So, things went down this weekend. And to top it off, because of all the drama I didn't get the guy's phone number that had been flirting with me the whole night. Which might be a big reason why I'm so upset about the situation. Mom said I should get revenge on them for that, because that's messed up. My mom. Always looking out for me.
The end!
10.14.2011
Moving Right Along
So I don't have any real updates. Nothing exciting, just a few sharable stories.
I'm really excited because my biology test got moved from Monday to Wednesday. But I still have my huge lab practical on Tuesday that I'm just absolutely DREADING. I have to spell everything right!! That's the worst part. Not only do I have to know everything, I have to spell all the super weird phylum and class names right or I don't get credit. Such. Bull. Crap.
I really only have one more story, which is good because I need to finish my homework and finish getting ready in the next forty minutes. Last night I went out with some friends. It wasn't dirty mega this time though, it was a new place. Anyway, this guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance, so I said sure. He started dancing on me and not a minute later he was trying to pull up my skirt all the way and get his hands in a bad area. I kept pulling his hands away, so he decided to take a differnet approach and turned me around to face him and tried to make out with me. I'm telling you, we were dancing together for all of two minutes before I just turned back around and stopped. Some might see me as a prude for this, but I definitely don't want some random guy at a club shoving his tongue down my throat when I don't even know his name or if he has herpes. So if you don't commend me for that, then I will.
Other than that I had fun. We went to Cookout at two in the morning, and it tasted awesome. Maybe that's because after dancing for so long I was starving, and the fact that I hadn't eaten a meal in hours. Either way, that burger was bangin'. I can't decide if its bad though, because I burned off a whole bunch of calories right before I ate, but as soon as I got back I showered and went to bed, and you're not supposed to eat right before bed. You guys know I'm trying to avoid that Freshman 15...(although if I was really trying, I wouldn't be eating Cookout at all).
And so the moral of the story is: study always, don't eat after eight if you're watching your weight, and some guys are super pervy and gross and those are the ones you want to avoid. Unless you're into that kind of thing...you know, sloppy hookups, STD's, public displays of whore-ation. Then its totally cool and you should look for guys like that to be happy in life.
I'm really excited because my biology test got moved from Monday to Wednesday. But I still have my huge lab practical on Tuesday that I'm just absolutely DREADING. I have to spell everything right!! That's the worst part. Not only do I have to know everything, I have to spell all the super weird phylum and class names right or I don't get credit. Such. Bull. Crap.
I really only have one more story, which is good because I need to finish my homework and finish getting ready in the next forty minutes. Last night I went out with some friends. It wasn't dirty mega this time though, it was a new place. Anyway, this guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance, so I said sure. He started dancing on me and not a minute later he was trying to pull up my skirt all the way and get his hands in a bad area. I kept pulling his hands away, so he decided to take a differnet approach and turned me around to face him and tried to make out with me. I'm telling you, we were dancing together for all of two minutes before I just turned back around and stopped. Some might see me as a prude for this, but I definitely don't want some random guy at a club shoving his tongue down my throat when I don't even know his name or if he has herpes. So if you don't commend me for that, then I will.
Other than that I had fun. We went to Cookout at two in the morning, and it tasted awesome. Maybe that's because after dancing for so long I was starving, and the fact that I hadn't eaten a meal in hours. Either way, that burger was bangin'. I can't decide if its bad though, because I burned off a whole bunch of calories right before I ate, but as soon as I got back I showered and went to bed, and you're not supposed to eat right before bed. You guys know I'm trying to avoid that Freshman 15...(although if I was really trying, I wouldn't be eating Cookout at all).
And so the moral of the story is: study always, don't eat after eight if you're watching your weight, and some guys are super pervy and gross and those are the ones you want to avoid. Unless you're into that kind of thing...you know, sloppy hookups, STD's, public displays of whore-ation. Then its totally cool and you should look for guys like that to be happy in life.
10.12.2011
Repetition
The title really has nothing to do with anything, but the last three titles have been words ending in -tion, so I thought it would be cute and punny.
Bob actually asked me to lunch today. But I'm not going to sway (even though my heart started beating a few times faster when I saw his name on my phone screen). We. Are. Friends. That's all.
And I'm fine with that.
I have a pre-registration appointment after my classes today. Thats basically when I talk to my academic advisor about what classes I want to take next semester. My first semester of college is half over. WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING AND WHY IS IT IN SUCH A RUSH?! I don't want to grow up. Seriously, that's my biggest fear. Waking up one day, looking in the mirror and seeing a wrinkly, gray-haired old lady with brittle bones and saggy boobs and thinking, "When did that happen?"
But in a way, I'm sort of excited for next semester. I'm thinking about getting a job at the Bonefish in town. My boss at the Outback back home has offered to help me out because he knows the people that own it. So that will mean I'll get to bring my car to school (I MISS MY CAR SO MUCH), I'll be hitting that cash flow, and a discount at Bonefish? That's what's freaking up. Also, when I go for my pre-reg appointment, I'll come out basically knowing my schedule. And I'm much more prepared this time than last time. I'm going to try to avoid eight-o-clock and late afternoon classes as much as possible. Another thing about next semester is that I'LL BE EIGHTEEN. I HATE being so young. Which is funny because I was just talking about how I don't want to grow up. Sorry I'm so contradictory. But I'm sure you understand how I feel. I just want to be eighteen forever. Or twenty-one.
Anyway, I'm rambling now, which means its time to stop. Updates on lunch tonight!
Bob actually asked me to lunch today. But I'm not going to sway (even though my heart started beating a few times faster when I saw his name on my phone screen). We. Are. Friends. That's all.
And I'm fine with that.
I have a pre-registration appointment after my classes today. Thats basically when I talk to my academic advisor about what classes I want to take next semester. My first semester of college is half over. WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING AND WHY IS IT IN SUCH A RUSH?! I don't want to grow up. Seriously, that's my biggest fear. Waking up one day, looking in the mirror and seeing a wrinkly, gray-haired old lady with brittle bones and saggy boobs and thinking, "When did that happen?"
But in a way, I'm sort of excited for next semester. I'm thinking about getting a job at the Bonefish in town. My boss at the Outback back home has offered to help me out because he knows the people that own it. So that will mean I'll get to bring my car to school (I MISS MY CAR SO MUCH), I'll be hitting that cash flow, and a discount at Bonefish? That's what's freaking up. Also, when I go for my pre-reg appointment, I'll come out basically knowing my schedule. And I'm much more prepared this time than last time. I'm going to try to avoid eight-o-clock and late afternoon classes as much as possible. Another thing about next semester is that I'LL BE EIGHTEEN. I HATE being so young. Which is funny because I was just talking about how I don't want to grow up. Sorry I'm so contradictory. But I'm sure you understand how I feel. I just want to be eighteen forever. Or twenty-one.
Anyway, I'm rambling now, which means its time to stop. Updates on lunch tonight!
Exhaustion
Today, I drove (not rode, drove) eight hours back from Florida. Then I rode another hour and a half back to campus. Not to mention the fact that I went to bed at one last night and woke up at nine-thirty.
While I was in Florida, I was constantly on the move. There were only a few hours of time that I wasn't in the car driving somewhere, walking around Wal-Mart, or worrying about an accident that occurred in my mom's car (its all fixed, nothing to worry about anymore. Just a little spill...).
Bob did not text me all weekend. I've been thinking about him a lot, but I guess that's a one way street. I told my best friend I was done waiting for him. And I mean it. Which is going to be a weird transition. I'm trying to control my heart from skipping beats when his face pops into my mind.
So needless to say, I am mentally, physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED.
Goodnight.
While I was in Florida, I was constantly on the move. There were only a few hours of time that I wasn't in the car driving somewhere, walking around Wal-Mart, or worrying about an accident that occurred in my mom's car (its all fixed, nothing to worry about anymore. Just a little spill...).
Bob did not text me all weekend. I've been thinking about him a lot, but I guess that's a one way street. I told my best friend I was done waiting for him. And I mean it. Which is going to be a weird transition. I'm trying to control my heart from skipping beats when his face pops into my mind.
So needless to say, I am mentally, physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED.
Goodnight.
10.07.2011
Transition
I think whatever romance Bob and I had is slowly dying. This week has been different than usual. After Monday, we've been to lunch as usual, but he hasn't talked to me other than that. I text him about something specific on Wednesday, but that's all the talking we've done outside of lunch.
And he's home. Right now. I don't know how to feel. Part of me wants to take the hint and just accept the friendship. I can just be his friend. But the other part still wants to hold on. What if he changes his mind? I don't want to miss the opportunity. And still another part of me wonders why he ever started talking to me in the first place if he had just gotten out of a relationship when we met.
Boys are stupid.
I'm at home for now. I hadn't planned on coming home this weekend at all and enjoying my fall break relaxing at school, but my brother Sebastian and his girlfriend Kyla have to go to Florida to get Kyla's car and some other things from her parents, and since Kyla doesn't have her license just yet I have to help them drive down there and back. It's a long trip for one person to drive.
I have to write a whole paper tomorrow. I'm actually at work tonight, which strangely makes me happy, despite the fact that I slept for an hour and half last night. But I'm making that papahhh, so it's all good. But anyway, that's what's up tonight. I'm going to get off my phone now because 1. I'm at work, and 2. I don't actually have unlimited Internet on my iPhone...strangely enough. Whatever, Mom. Love you, too.
And he's home. Right now. I don't know how to feel. Part of me wants to take the hint and just accept the friendship. I can just be his friend. But the other part still wants to hold on. What if he changes his mind? I don't want to miss the opportunity. And still another part of me wonders why he ever started talking to me in the first place if he had just gotten out of a relationship when we met.
Boys are stupid.
I'm at home for now. I hadn't planned on coming home this weekend at all and enjoying my fall break relaxing at school, but my brother Sebastian and his girlfriend Kyla have to go to Florida to get Kyla's car and some other things from her parents, and since Kyla doesn't have her license just yet I have to help them drive down there and back. It's a long trip for one person to drive.
I have to write a whole paper tomorrow. I'm actually at work tonight, which strangely makes me happy, despite the fact that I slept for an hour and half last night. But I'm making that papahhh, so it's all good. But anyway, that's what's up tonight. I'm going to get off my phone now because 1. I'm at work, and 2. I don't actually have unlimited Internet on my iPhone...strangely enough. Whatever, Mom. Love you, too.
10.06.2011
Revelation
Yesterday I got back the grade from my second freshman seminar test. I failed it.
Thats really only because she never told us this thing we had to do separately from the test was actually part of our exam grade, she made it sound optional. Then when she passed out the tests yesterday she had written on the board that it was 20 points of our test. I almost died. So in college, if a professor says, "For your test, you CAN complete this survery...blah blah blah...you could do this if you WANT..." what they really mean to say is "This is part of your test, so if you don't do it you're gonna fail!" So I advise that you complete any and every assignment given, optional or required.
I was thinking about this earlier today in oceanography. About how it made me so upset to fail a test in a class that should be a piece of baked apple pie when other people were doing just fine. About how I made a C on a test that two of my friends made B's on, and that I wished I could take tests as well as they could. About how I used to not take tests badly (I made a freaking 1950 on the SAT. I don't do bad on tests.) and that it just came naturally to me. About how it should still come naturally to me.
And then it hit me like a cold, packed snowball in my bare face. My problem in college is that I just EXPECT to do well on everything because that's how its always been. I keep telling people, oh yeah, I know I have to study in college, la la la, its not like high school, whatever. But I never actually believed it.
Don't come to college expecting ANYTHING to come easily. Even freshman seminar.
Thats really only because she never told us this thing we had to do separately from the test was actually part of our exam grade, she made it sound optional. Then when she passed out the tests yesterday she had written on the board that it was 20 points of our test. I almost died. So in college, if a professor says, "For your test, you CAN complete this survery...blah blah blah...you could do this if you WANT..." what they really mean to say is "This is part of your test, so if you don't do it you're gonna fail!" So I advise that you complete any and every assignment given, optional or required.
I was thinking about this earlier today in oceanography. About how it made me so upset to fail a test in a class that should be a piece of baked apple pie when other people were doing just fine. About how I made a C on a test that two of my friends made B's on, and that I wished I could take tests as well as they could. About how I used to not take tests badly (I made a freaking 1950 on the SAT. I don't do bad on tests.) and that it just came naturally to me. About how it should still come naturally to me.
And then it hit me like a cold, packed snowball in my bare face. My problem in college is that I just EXPECT to do well on everything because that's how its always been. I keep telling people, oh yeah, I know I have to study in college, la la la, its not like high school, whatever. But I never actually believed it.
Don't come to college expecting ANYTHING to come easily. Even freshman seminar.
10.04.2011
I'm Only Fooling Myself
So. We talked.
He helped avoid an awkward situation by being smart enough to know that I didn't want to talk until we were out of the cafeteria. I didn't have to say anything about talking after we ate.
Moving along. After we ate lunch, we went into the beautiful wildlife preserve on campus (oh my gosh, its so pretty. I had no clue it was there until the other day, and its huge!) and we sat down on one of the benches. He asked what I wanted to say. I took a long, dramatic pause (not really for dramatic effect...mainly because I was trying to calm my nerves before I started so I didn't end up sounding like a rambling idiot). I collected my thoughts, took a breath, and began: "I need to know what you want. Because you really confuse me (he chuckled at this...I'm being completely honest, and its obviously hard, and he laughs) and I just need to know that you still want to date me at some point in the near future so I know I'm not wasting my time." He responded, and I don't remember all our exact words, but I do remember wishing I could be that cool and calm when I say how I feel. He can do that. He's very open. I like that (but I guess I shouldn't be thinking about things I like about him right now). Anyway, we basically established that...well...I'm not sure what we established. He said once again that he's not ready to date, and there's no guarantee that he'll be ready soon. Which is what I was afraid of. I told him that I don't want to invest all my time in waiting for him and he end up changing his mind somewhere down the road or realizing that he can't get over his ex and screw me over. He recognized that this is harder for me than it is for him. He also said that he didn't think I was ready to be in a relationship either, but I'm not sure why. I could be if he wanted that.
So I think what we're going to do is stop being as couple-y as we have been. We both still want to hang out, but no more kissing and cute dates and that thing. Lunch is safe. I'm not sure what else. I really still want to be his friend no matter what. He's a good friend. He makes me feel better when I'm sad. And he says that I keep him grounded, so I'm of some kind of value to him. Which makes me feel good.
I just don't want to get involved in the dirty business of getting my heart broken. That business is as dirty as dealing drugs and prostitution (other things I don't want to get involved in). But seriously, I feel like no matter what its going to hurt. Its just a matter of how much.
He'll be going home this coming weekend. I want to believe that he's going to see her and realize that he doesn't actually want to be with her anymore and he's different now and that I changed him. I want to think that he will go home and tell her all about me and, even though she'll hate my guts, she'll know. But I don't see that happening. I know he's excited to get to see her. And I KNOW she's excited to see him. I can just see her with her friends, painting each other's nails and discussing strategies of how to get him back.
So. In an effort to keep myself available, I texted the boy from the club the other night. I need a name for him...Job. That's what I'm calling him. And its kind of funny if you know his real name, but since you don't, its an inside joke between me, myself and I. Anyway, I text Job today, and it turns out he didn't get my number the other night because his phone took a bath in sweat and wasn't working. But now he has it and he can use it. I feel pretty good about that.
In other news, I was very productive today. I got a lot of homework done and started on some things I have due in the next week. A calculus assignment was due today, a very large biology assignment and a paper for theatre are due this week, and a paper for biology lab is due next Monday (which is stupid because Monday and Tuesday are fall break...whatever). Plus I took a theatre test today. One of two tests in that class. But the test wasn't difficult at all, so I'm not too worried at the same time.
Also! I finally feel competent and intelligent again! I got a 92 on my calculus test! My first A!! FINALLY! My RA (is awesome!!) has this thing called an A-wall. Its just a section of our hallway where you get to write your name on an "A" cut out of construction paper and hang it up if you make an A on a test or paper. I hung mine up today! It made me feel so good, I took a picture of it and uploaded it to Facebook AND Twitter. Oh yeah. Proud mama.
Okay, sorry this ended up being so long. I didn't realize I had so much to say. But sleep is vital at this moment in time, so I will be doing that right about now.
By the way, the show Awkward is the BEST SHOW EVER. Go to mtv.com sometime and watch it if you've never seen it. Seriously, its hilarious and suspenseful and HILARIOUS. Plus I have drawn many parallels between the main character's life and my own. If you watch the show and can see the parallels, let me know (if you're my friend on Facebook or in real life or whatever. If I don't know you, just keep the revelation to yourself or get at me on Twitter! livx3).
Tata :)
He helped avoid an awkward situation by being smart enough to know that I didn't want to talk until we were out of the cafeteria. I didn't have to say anything about talking after we ate.
Moving along. After we ate lunch, we went into the beautiful wildlife preserve on campus (oh my gosh, its so pretty. I had no clue it was there until the other day, and its huge!) and we sat down on one of the benches. He asked what I wanted to say. I took a long, dramatic pause (not really for dramatic effect...mainly because I was trying to calm my nerves before I started so I didn't end up sounding like a rambling idiot). I collected my thoughts, took a breath, and began: "I need to know what you want. Because you really confuse me (he chuckled at this...I'm being completely honest, and its obviously hard, and he laughs) and I just need to know that you still want to date me at some point in the near future so I know I'm not wasting my time." He responded, and I don't remember all our exact words, but I do remember wishing I could be that cool and calm when I say how I feel. He can do that. He's very open. I like that (but I guess I shouldn't be thinking about things I like about him right now). Anyway, we basically established that...well...I'm not sure what we established. He said once again that he's not ready to date, and there's no guarantee that he'll be ready soon. Which is what I was afraid of. I told him that I don't want to invest all my time in waiting for him and he end up changing his mind somewhere down the road or realizing that he can't get over his ex and screw me over. He recognized that this is harder for me than it is for him. He also said that he didn't think I was ready to be in a relationship either, but I'm not sure why. I could be if he wanted that.
So I think what we're going to do is stop being as couple-y as we have been. We both still want to hang out, but no more kissing and cute dates and that thing. Lunch is safe. I'm not sure what else. I really still want to be his friend no matter what. He's a good friend. He makes me feel better when I'm sad. And he says that I keep him grounded, so I'm of some kind of value to him. Which makes me feel good.
I just don't want to get involved in the dirty business of getting my heart broken. That business is as dirty as dealing drugs and prostitution (other things I don't want to get involved in). But seriously, I feel like no matter what its going to hurt. Its just a matter of how much.
He'll be going home this coming weekend. I want to believe that he's going to see her and realize that he doesn't actually want to be with her anymore and he's different now and that I changed him. I want to think that he will go home and tell her all about me and, even though she'll hate my guts, she'll know. But I don't see that happening. I know he's excited to get to see her. And I KNOW she's excited to see him. I can just see her with her friends, painting each other's nails and discussing strategies of how to get him back.
So. In an effort to keep myself available, I texted the boy from the club the other night. I need a name for him...Job. That's what I'm calling him. And its kind of funny if you know his real name, but since you don't, its an inside joke between me, myself and I. Anyway, I text Job today, and it turns out he didn't get my number the other night because his phone took a bath in sweat and wasn't working. But now he has it and he can use it. I feel pretty good about that.
In other news, I was very productive today. I got a lot of homework done and started on some things I have due in the next week. A calculus assignment was due today, a very large biology assignment and a paper for theatre are due this week, and a paper for biology lab is due next Monday (which is stupid because Monday and Tuesday are fall break...whatever). Plus I took a theatre test today. One of two tests in that class. But the test wasn't difficult at all, so I'm not too worried at the same time.
Also! I finally feel competent and intelligent again! I got a 92 on my calculus test! My first A!! FINALLY! My RA (is awesome!!) has this thing called an A-wall. Its just a section of our hallway where you get to write your name on an "A" cut out of construction paper and hang it up if you make an A on a test or paper. I hung mine up today! It made me feel so good, I took a picture of it and uploaded it to Facebook AND Twitter. Oh yeah. Proud mama.
Okay, sorry this ended up being so long. I didn't realize I had so much to say. But sleep is vital at this moment in time, so I will be doing that right about now.
By the way, the show Awkward is the BEST SHOW EVER. Go to mtv.com sometime and watch it if you've never seen it. Seriously, its hilarious and suspenseful and HILARIOUS. Plus I have drawn many parallels between the main character's life and my own. If you watch the show and can see the parallels, let me know (if you're my friend on Facebook or in real life or whatever. If I don't know you, just keep the revelation to yourself or get at me on Twitter! livx3).
Tata :)
10.03.2011
Nerves
I'm freaking out.
My stomach is all in knots, I'm shaking, and I can't focus on studying for a theatre midterm I have today that is worth 25% of my grade. I told Bob that when we go to lunch today, I want to talk to him.
I'm so, so, so nervous. So I decided that, when in doubt, blog it out. Only its kind of hard to do that when my hands are shaking so hard I keep messing up and having to back space and fix everything...
Anyway. If he asks what's up while we're eating, I'm going to tell him I want to talk after we eat. Because I don't want to have this conversation in the middle of a cafeteria. When we find somewhere to sit down and talk, I'm going to say something along the lines of, "I just need to know what you want. Because lately I've been worried that you don't want to date me or you won't be ready to date me for a long time. Or that you're unknowingly using me to fill a void that appeared when you and your ex broke up." That's a lot to say. And being straight up with people and saying how I feel has always made me nervous. I'm less nervous to say it than I am to hear his response.
I'm afraid of rejection. Who isn't?
My stomach is all in knots, I'm shaking, and I can't focus on studying for a theatre midterm I have today that is worth 25% of my grade. I told Bob that when we go to lunch today, I want to talk to him.
I'm so, so, so nervous. So I decided that, when in doubt, blog it out. Only its kind of hard to do that when my hands are shaking so hard I keep messing up and having to back space and fix everything...
Anyway. If he asks what's up while we're eating, I'm going to tell him I want to talk after we eat. Because I don't want to have this conversation in the middle of a cafeteria. When we find somewhere to sit down and talk, I'm going to say something along the lines of, "I just need to know what you want. Because lately I've been worried that you don't want to date me or you won't be ready to date me for a long time. Or that you're unknowingly using me to fill a void that appeared when you and your ex broke up." That's a lot to say. And being straight up with people and saying how I feel has always made me nervous. I'm less nervous to say it than I am to hear his response.
I'm afraid of rejection. Who isn't?
10.01.2011
Wimp
I couldn't do. I couldn't ask him. I wimped out.
I hate myself right now so much. I was so set on it. I was walking down the hall and down the stairs trying to build up my confidence. But as I walked, I felt more and more nervous. I think my palms started sweating a little bit. And the closer I got to the ground floor and to seeing him and letting him in, the more clear it became in my mind that I wasn't going to ask him. And I thought about it the whole time he was in my room, but I couldn't think of how to bring it up. Of course, it would have been as easy as, "Can I ask you a serious question?" But I couldn't say it. Then I was wrapped up in his arms falling asleep and I just knew that it wasn't going to happen tonight.
I have not cancelled the DTR, I promise that. I just...postponed it. But it WILL happen before next weekend. It has to.
I hate myself right now so much. I was so set on it. I was walking down the hall and down the stairs trying to build up my confidence. But as I walked, I felt more and more nervous. I think my palms started sweating a little bit. And the closer I got to the ground floor and to seeing him and letting him in, the more clear it became in my mind that I wasn't going to ask him. And I thought about it the whole time he was in my room, but I couldn't think of how to bring it up. Of course, it would have been as easy as, "Can I ask you a serious question?" But I couldn't say it. Then I was wrapped up in his arms falling asleep and I just knew that it wasn't going to happen tonight.
I have not cancelled the DTR, I promise that. I just...postponed it. But it WILL happen before next weekend. It has to.
You and I?
The title of this post is ironic because I'm currently listening to You and I by Lady Gaga (LOVE). Lets just say I was inspired.
Last night my mom and I had a heart-to-heart. She started with, "I want to talk to you," and proceeded to, "You're probably not going to like what I have to say," which made me very nervous. Basically, she wanted to tell me about how worried she is for me. She's really scared that Bob is just playing me. That's what she honestly thinks. We discussed that matter for almost an hour and came to the conclusion that it all comes down to what he wants from me. If he sees us dating for real in the near future, I'll keep seeing him. It'll be worth it. But if he's changed his mind about that, or if he doesn't think he can move on soon, I don't want to waste my time anymore. So when he comes over tonight to hang out, I'm going to ask him. We're going to DTR (define the relationship). I'm kind of freaking out. Like, my heart is pounding and I feel queasy and I feel like I have to pee when I know I don't. But seriously, I'm going to just straight up ask him, "Do you still see us dating? Because I don't want to get too invested in and attached to you and end up getting hurt." I'm scared of what he'll say. Of course I want him to say, "I WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW." But I seriously doubt that will happen (a girl can dream, right?). I'm really expecting him to tell me there's no guarantee when he'll be over her. And I'll want to say something about him never being able to get over her if he keeps talking to her like he does, but it'll be hard to phrase that without sounding too pushy.
Also, he's going home for the first time next weekend for fall break. He'll be there for five days. Five. Days. And SHE'S there (*gives HER the evil eye and a devilish snarl*).
She's posted on his Facebook wall already about how she's planning something special for them to do. (*another evil eye*) I'm really, really nervous about that as well. He could go home and realize how much he still loves her and completely forget about me. He could go home and realize how much he doesn't miss her and tell her about me and that its really over between them. He could go home and do whatever he wants and I'll never know about it.
That's why tonight I'm DTRing. No need to stress over next weekend if...well, if there's no need.
Last night my mom and I had a heart-to-heart. She started with, "I want to talk to you," and proceeded to, "You're probably not going to like what I have to say," which made me very nervous. Basically, she wanted to tell me about how worried she is for me. She's really scared that Bob is just playing me. That's what she honestly thinks. We discussed that matter for almost an hour and came to the conclusion that it all comes down to what he wants from me. If he sees us dating for real in the near future, I'll keep seeing him. It'll be worth it. But if he's changed his mind about that, or if he doesn't think he can move on soon, I don't want to waste my time anymore. So when he comes over tonight to hang out, I'm going to ask him. We're going to DTR (define the relationship). I'm kind of freaking out. Like, my heart is pounding and I feel queasy and I feel like I have to pee when I know I don't. But seriously, I'm going to just straight up ask him, "Do you still see us dating? Because I don't want to get too invested in and attached to you and end up getting hurt." I'm scared of what he'll say. Of course I want him to say, "I WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW." But I seriously doubt that will happen (a girl can dream, right?). I'm really expecting him to tell me there's no guarantee when he'll be over her. And I'll want to say something about him never being able to get over her if he keeps talking to her like he does, but it'll be hard to phrase that without sounding too pushy.
Also, he's going home for the first time next weekend for fall break. He'll be there for five days. Five. Days. And SHE'S there (*gives HER the evil eye and a devilish snarl*).
She's posted on his Facebook wall already about how she's planning something special for them to do. (*another evil eye*) I'm really, really nervous about that as well. He could go home and realize how much he still loves her and completely forget about me. He could go home and realize how much he doesn't miss her and tell her about me and that its really over between them. He could go home and do whatever he wants and I'll never know about it.
That's why tonight I'm DTRing. No need to stress over next weekend if...well, if there's no need.
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