Hard Decision

Over the weekend, I had to make a really hard decision about who I was going to live with next year. Things like that are not to be taken lightly. This is who you will live with for a whole school year. My advice to you is to not make promises you can't keep and to be careful what you say to people about things like this. Rooming with the wrong person can lead to a lot of stress and misery, but rooming with the right person can lead to lifelong friendships. And honestly, you never really know how things will turn out. The person you thought would get on your nerves might be your best friend later. The person you thought you could be really close to might end up annoying you the most. Take these things into consideration long before its time for contracts to be signed. Its a long and difficult process.

Hopefully my decision ends up with the best outcome.

Every little thing is gonna be all right

Zuko text me for the first time in a few days last night. Long story short, he said (so nicely that I could hardly even be upset about it) that he had a feeling that I was starting to like him and that he wanted to make sure I knew that his intentions were clear, that he thought we could be really good friends because I have a great personality but nothing more. So I said that I kind of figured out the feelings weren't mutual and that being just friends won't be a problem. And I meant that.

We're back to talking a lot again. Which is actually a lot nicer this time around, because now if he takes a while to text me back or says something ambiguous, I don't have to overanalyze what it means and worry about what he's thinking. Being friends will be so much easier. And I honestly believe he wants to be good friends, and that it will work. If anything had actually happened between us it would be hard. But being mature about it and settling the situation before feelings got hurt was the best thing he could have done.

So there will be no more Zuko. If he ever appears in this blog again, I will use his real name.

I'm pretty proud of myself for not letting that get me too down also. But at the same time, yesterday was my makeover so I was pretty much high on life anyway. It would have taken a LOT to get me down.

I like being in moods like that.

FINALLY!!!

Today was the day that my big news occurred and I can finally tell you all my surprise!!

Are you ready?!

I GOT MY BRACES OFF!!! After two years and eight months of asking people if I had bread in my teeth and cutting up the insides of my lips at night when I slept, its finally all over and so worth it! My teeth look great. Although I forgot how big they are. It just feels so nice (except when I wear my retainer, but thats a small price to pay).

I'm just so happy that I'm finally done with my very long, overextended awkward phase. I've pretty much been in one since middle school. When I outgrew my cuteness, I became very awkward looking. That lasted until about the tenth grade, which is when I got my braces on. Since then I've outgrown looking and acting awkward (honestly, not fully, but definitely enough), and yet I still had those freaking braces, trapping me in the phase. But alas, the braces are no more! Its just so weird to think that I actually don't have braces anymore and I never will. But its nice. Very, very nice.

I also got my hair cut today. When I would straighten it before, it would be about an inch from my butt. I could almost sit on it. Now its about three or four inches below my shoulders. Its not even short, but its SO SHORT. I haven't had my hair like this is about three years. Its crazy. But I got some stellar layers cut in and some thick side-swept bangs, so its looking hawt. I don't mean this conceitedly, but I have nice hair anyway. I really like my hair, and everyone else tells me how jealous they are (that might be because it was so long before, but whatever). But now its...becoming. Thats the word Mom used. Becoming. Shaniqua and Kenzie both said I look older, which is what I was going for. Success.

Thats the news! I've been dying to spill about all this for over a month. But I didn't actually tell anyone except my mom, dad and sister. And Anna figured it out ( >:[ ). But no one actually knew. It was funny talking to people today. I was purposely smiling the whole time and a lot of people still didn't notice until I mentioned something was different. It was great.

I've had this concept in my mind that when I got my braces off and my hair cut and became a new woman, people would start noticing me more, specifically guys. Or that maybe Zuko would see me in a new light and realize that he should ask me out. Or that guys will just start throwing themselves at me. Yes, I know. I'm pathetic. I've been trying hard to get those images out of my head, because I know I would just end up disappointed. It will be interesting to see if things do change with how people look at me now that I actually look like I belong in college.

I suppose we'll just wait and see.

Oh, and I'm back to happy again. Thank God!

Cliffhanger

Sorry about that the other day. And sorry for not updating you guys in a few days. I really haven't felt up to blogging. I guess I've been trying to work things out with myself first before I shared anything. I haven't resolved everything, and I still feel like I've got a lot going on, but I can at least share now.

Right now I'm at home. I hate being home sometimes. As much as I love my family and I miss them when I'm not with them, its getting harder and harder to come home. I love Wilmington, and I'm finally starting to truly establish myself there. But I came home for good reason, and you all will know that tomorrow!!! Well, technically today since its after midnight, but you know what I mean. Yes, I do mean that the surprise I've been holding off on will finally be revealed in a few hours! You have no idea how completely ecstatic I am to finally have this happen.

I've also got a few other things going on, however. I've been losing my voice over the past week. Yes, a whole week. It wasn't that bad at the beginning of last week, just a little scratchy. But by Thursday, I sounded like a frog. Then Sweta told me she had strep and possibly mono, so I got checked out at the Student Health Center on campus this morning before class. I had strep throat three times last school year, so I wasn't about to delay anything. Alas, I am not harboring that bacteria. But they didn't offer me any other possible solutions. So tomorrow morning my mom and I are going to the doctor to see if they can give me some kind of medicine to help. She thinks I have a simple sinus infection. I'm praying to God thats all it is. I finally got an email back from my director for Working, and he said we'll need to be familiarizing ourselves with the play and the songs, and given my current state I can't be singing right now. I have no clue when he's going to contact me and ask to run lines or rehearse songs. I can't sound like this, and I could permanently damage my throat if I push it. Which is so hard for me. I love singing. I sing all the time, everywhere I am.

Okay, now what you've (possibly) been waiting for. About Zuko. I haven't talked to him much since Saturday night, which just proves how uninterested he is. I'm definitely working to get over it. Which is silly that I even have to work at that, because I hardly know him yet. I still wish something will change his mind, but I don't see that happening. So it'll be fine. And I still want to be friends with him, which will be easy since we can already talk to each other and nothing actually happened between us. Plus he promised he'd teach me how to surf. Friends or more than, I WILL learn to surf this summer.

I think I get so wrapped up in my own head that I start expecting certain things to happen, so I'm extra disappointed and it hurts worse when they don't. I guess I just wear my heart on my sleeve a little more than I should. And as much as it hurts, I honestly don't always think that's a bad thing. I like feeling things deeply. I'd much rather feel too much than not at all. This is also why I'm not the 'hooking up' type. I get too attached too easily to let myself do that.

That's just who I am. All the men that decide to try and get with me will have to deal with that.

A Horrible Realization

Zuko doesn't like me. I just know it.

We had a wonderful night talking on the beach. Then he started texting me first every day. But he would take hours (sometimes 2-3, sometimes 12-15) to text me back. The other night, he said we should hang out this weekend. I suggested we have dinner tonight, but when I asked he had already eaten. He's the most confusing person.

Until just now. I asked if he still wanted to hang out, and he asked what 'everybody' is doing. Meaning he didn't want to hang out with me, he wanted to get a group together. And now he's telling me I should have given this guy that I don't like a chance when he asked me out on a date the other night. I thought telling him that might make him jealous or realize that there are other guys in my life, but that completely backfired. And now I feel slightly nauseous.

Remember when I said I was so happy I could hardly handle myself? I knew that wasn't going to last very long.

Star Struck

Tonight UNCW had an event where two of the guys from the MTV show The Buried Life, Dave Lingwood and Ben Nemtin, and they talked about their journey from four normal guys to TV stars out to change the world. They have a really incredible story. They've experienced some amazing things and met amazing people. I wish I could just jump on their RV (her name is Penelope. They got her from a nudist) and go with them and change the world. And not only are they inspiring, they're SO funny. And not only are they great people that kept me laughing, they're SO ATTRACTIVE. Especially Dave. He's so gorgeous.

After the show, they had a meet and greet. They were sending us in in larger groups instead of pairs or three people to make sure it went quickly since there were so many fans waiting for pictures and autographs. We had a group of six, which was small comparatively. My friend Taylor liked Ben more and was determined to get an illegal picture with him (they had a photographer taking pictures for their official Facebook profile and said specifically no more pictures were to be taken), and I was determined to stand next to Dave and get him to kiss me on the cheek for the picture. We stood at the front of our group and I jokingly stood in a racer's position, ready to charge. When the group in front of us finally left, I marched right up to Dave, looked him in his beautiful blue eyes, placed my hand flirtily on his arm, smiled cutely and, while batting my eyelashes, said, "Can you do me a favor?" He chuckled slightly, obviously picking up on my obvious flirting, and said, "Sure," smiling his very cute smile. I said, "Will you kiss me on the cheek during our picture?" He chuckled again and said, "Yeah, I can do that." I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed his muscular body saying, "Yay! Thank you!" So when the photographer raised his camera to his face about a minute later, Dave placed his lips right on my cheek and held them there for at least seven seconds while the picture was taken. Then he signed my piece of paper, Ben signed my paper (and wrote my name on it even though there were just supposed to sign their own names) and I walked out feeling goooood. Taylor ended up getting her picture with Ben, and that hoe even got Dave to kiss her cheek too! But they didn't get a picture of it, so I'm okay with that.

Taylor and I both walked out of there on such an adrenaline rush. I was star struck.

As soon as that picture gets posted on Facebook, its going to be my profile picture.

I have documented proof of a hot famous guy kissing me on the cheek. Life is good.

Light hearted

I've had an excellent day. Its been so good that I just feel...light. I was walking back to my room earlier and I just felt like I was floating. My tummy has a permanent excited buzz. I haven't been this happy with my life in a while. And I'm a pretty happy person.

Last night I ended up texting Zuko to ask and, after a bit of confusion, it ended up being just the two of us going to the beach. And I swear, whoever thought he was a d-bag must have been talking about some other Zuko, because this boy is the epitome of perfection. He completely opened up to me last night, and I opened up to him too, and it was just so nice to walk on the beach in the middle of the night with this gorgeous, amazing guy and it was completely comfortable and he trusted me and...wow, that is one heck of a run-on. I'm actually a grammar freak, believe it or not. Anyway, we just had a really, really nice time. We've been texting for a majority of the afternoon as well. He invited me to lunch when he dropped me off last night with him and the guy that was supposed to come with us. Then I saw him racing off to class a few hours ago and texted him a flirty text. I was starting to overthink the situation and not do it, but I pushed off my insecurities and hit the send button. I really should stop overthinking things, because thats the reason we've been talking. Last night ended up being a lot more serious than flirty, but today has definitely been cute. I just have a really good feeling about this one.

Also, and I can't believe I didn't mention this, but I auditioned for a musical last week! My first audition, and guess what? I was casted!!! I don't think anyone understands how happy I am about this. Honestly. Its been years since I've been in a play, and this is seriously what I LOVE to do. I'm so incredibly excited to start rehearsing, plus I've had a lot of friends say they'll come see it when we perform!

By the way, this is kind of awkward, but I meant to post this yesterday. I'm actually about to write my blog post for today in a minute. But I definitely just saved this post as a draft and forgot to finish it up.

...my bad.

Lazy Day

Today has been really nice. I went to sleep earlier than I have in a long time last night, and I still slept until one. I could have gotten up around nine when I woke up the first time, or even ten when I woke up the second time. But I just decided that today was meant to be a sleep in day and kept sleeping. Then I got up, washed my sheets, and took care of some business. I had planned on just staying in all night, eating a frozen dinner and watching Pretty Little Liars alone, which I was perfecty content with. Then one of the OL's text me and asked about getting people together for dinner, so I decided that was a better plan.

So a few of us went to eat, and two of the guys were talking about going to the beach tonight. One of them...okay I can't help it, it was Zuko. Zuko turned to me and asked if I wanted to come. So now I'm waiting for him to text me and say he's coming to get me. But I got back at eight, so its been almost two hours. I'm not really sure anymore if they're going or if he's going to text me at all. I'm trying to decide if I should text him and ask if we're still going.

Before dinner, I was asking the guy who organized it who was coming and who he already asked, and he asked Zuko but didn't say Zuko was coming. Then about an hour before we were supposed to meet, Zuko texted me (aka not the person that asked him to come) to ask if we were still going to eat and to tell me he was going to come. Good sign or not a big deal? Not sure. Which is why I really wanted to go to the beach even though its 45 degrees outside.

Boys. Sigh.

Family and (more than?) Friends

Now Playing: Selena Gomez - Naturally

I absolutely love my OL family.

They're seriously all so great. I can't even begin to explain how amazing this weekend was.

The main point was for all of us to get to know each other better. And I don't mean just things like what's your favorite color or what are your strengths and weaknesses. I mean the deep stuff. We laughed together and we cried together. We stayed up all night to explore the forts and to play board games and to just talk. We grew. We bonded. And I love every one of them.

I can already tell this year is going to be even better than I initially anticipated.

By the way, the guy I said I was going to try and talk to ended up not being able to do OL at all this year. Sad face. But the other guy I mentioned, the hot one that is a supposed d-bag...well I really couldn't stop myself from staring sometimes, and when I noticed him staring back, I really couldn't stop myself from flirting just a little. So bad, I know. But I don't get any kind of bad vibe from him at all. Actually at one point during the retreat he said something about getting frustrated with people who think they can get whatever they want for free and forever. I think that's what he said. Anyway, either he isn't a bad guy like I've been told or he's a hypocrite. I'm hoping for the first, because he was totally flirting back and it would kill me to have to let a guy that gorgeous go.

I have two stories to tell about...lets name him Zuko. Last night we played a game where all of us write a question on a piece of paper and put them in a hat, then draw out a different question and answer it honestly. Most of the questions ended up being pretty sexual (I won't even go into specifics...use your imagination). I got lucky my first time because I drew the question "What did you do after your senior prom?" All I did after prom was go to my friend's house and eat with a few other people. But later they made me draw again since mine wasn't good. I still honestly got really lucky, because the question was "Who on the OL team would you hook up with?" That's so mild compared to the rest of the questions. The only problem is the guy I automatically thought about was sitting right next to me and I've already been hoping something would happen (not necessarily a hook up, because 1. I'm not a hooking up kind of girl, and 2. because that would be really unprofessional). So I felt pretty awkward. I really should have just been super breezy about it and said, "Oh thats easy. Zuko." Or even, "Oh-oh oh-oh! I. do. not. hook. uh-up, uh-up! But, definitely Zuko." But of course, I tried to stall and made the situation awkward, then finally said, "Well I guess I'd have to go with Zuko." It wasn't even a big deal. People were saying they would do a lot of worse things with each other. I'm just...I don't even know. Stupid. His face turned a little red though, and he mentioned later that "its a good thing you just said me" or something like that, which kind of made it sound like I used him as a scapegoat to get out of the question. Welp. Ruined that one. Sigh.

I'm not sure if I said this before, but we went to Fort Caswell. The house we stayed in was literally right on the beach and all weekend it was bright and sunny. Freezing cold, but sunny. Last night while I was getting ready to go to sleep one of the girls and I were talking about going to see the sunrise this morning before breakfast, and I had never sat down before and just watched the sun rise, and especially not on the beach. Then I got an amazing idea to go in the common room before I went to bed for the night and asking if anyone else would want to come with us, seeing as how Zuko might want to come (if not for the sunrise, then to sit out there with me at least). Two of the other girls jumped at the idea, and guess who else did? Yep. Zuko. I was excited because that was secretly my whole plan anyway. So this morning the five of us got up at 7:00 and went down to the beach to watch the sunrise. Zuko sat next to me snuggled up under the blanket I had (insert winky face here).

This is all really trivial stuff though. I want something concrete to happen. Like for him to text me or something. I don't know.

He's still perfect eye candy though. Even if nothing actually happens, I'll have something to look at for the rest of the semester.

FML.

Now Playing: One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful

Eff. My. Life.

So I'm sitting in my psych class with a girl that was in my uni and theatre class last semester. We're in the front row and she's sitting closer to the door. So I'm facing her in the middle of a sentence, when all of a sudden my heart drops and I choke on my words at the person who walks in.

Just take a wild guess.

That's right. Its Bob.

In my class. Right there. IN MY CLASS.

Thank God that's a huge lecture class. Maybe he'll never see me. Except, oh wait, HE DID.

He walked down the stairs to leave the classroom first and walked past my row, and then (OF COURSE) stopped at the bottom of the stairs to talk to someone. I had to walk right past him. I was one foot away! So of course I covered my face with my hair and tried to squeeze past quickly. But he had to see me. He had to.

But honestly, I think I freaked out for nothing. I mean, so what? My mom said to just say hey to him and keep walking. I can do that. And then I felt stupid for being all weird about it. He probably thought I still care, and I really don't.

Lesson of the day: Its only awkward if you make it awkward.

Also, I'm becoming obsessed with One Direction. They're SO CUTE. And British. And cute.

First day of classes

Now Playing: Daughters - John Mayer

So today was the first day of classes for the spring semester. I've only had one class so far (which didn't start until ten. I am LOVING this semester already), and that was French. My professor's last name is Hernandez. I honestly think that's one of the most hilarious things in the entire world.

Right now I'm sitting in Einstein's bagels. I just finished lunch and I'm chilling out until chemistry at 12 and psychology at 1. I have chemistry with Sweta, which I'm super excited about since I didn't see much of her last semester, but the poor thing is deathly ill right now and in the Health Center. So we'll just have to go to class together on Friday instead.

I'm especially excited about the OL meeting tonight. We're going to discuss the retreat for this weekend, which I'm even more excited about.

Wow, I use the word excited a lot. Have you noticed that? All right, from now on, I am limiting myself to one excited per post. We'll see how that goes.

Oh, one more thing. I was looking at apartments yesterday with Anna and I called my mom to talk about it. She got upset with me, saying we couldn't afford for me to live in an apartment and implied that I would have to live in a dorm ALL FOUR YEARS OF COLLEGE. Not. Happening. I told her I didn't want to, and of course she got upset again. I even told her that they wouldn't have to pay for my apartment completely. I'll have a job next year, so I'll definitely be able to help. And we found some places that are really cheap and seem nice. Anna's parents are coming to town on Saturday to take us to some appointments and to look around. I'm not living in a dorm again, unless I decide to be an RA. I'm just not.

Okay, enough of my raving. I'm going to stop now because I had coffee and I don't want to start rant-typing. I can hardly finish this sentetknce withosugt asldkfjajeoiajewbna adlasdlf......

By the way...

GRADES! I haven't told you about my grades! So I pulled of a B in Biology and Oceanography!!! I got an A in Theatre and (somehow) in Freshman Seminar. An Calculus...well I'm working that out now. I've been waiting for weeks for my professor to update my grades because it wasn't right on Blackboard. It was saying I have an 86. Then on seanet it was saying I have a C. Well thats definitely not happening when I should have an A in that class. So I emailed him yesterday and he said they were updated and posted. When I checked, it was still the same! So I told him my problems and I'm waiting to hear back from him.

So now the good news. After that gets fixed, I will be...*drum roll*...ON THE DEAN'S LIST!! That was one of my semester goals and I will have done it! My first semester of college! And I should end up with a 3.4 or 3.5!! Thats amazing!

Okay, I promise I'm done now. Goodnight!

Professional

Now Watching: Friends

I felt like such an official today. Andrea (my boss) gave us name plaques to wear on our shirts. Combine this with my khaki pants and you've got an Orientation Leader! Well, not completely. I didn't actually lead a group or do anything super important, I was really just there to help in the morning to pass out t-shirts and bags, then for the rest of the day to do odds and ends jobs. I helped run a tour for some parents, I answered a bunch of questions, I helped count inventory, and I played a lot of Temple Run. Yes, Temple Run. On a side note, I am now OBSESSED with that game. And the people that weren't actually leading small groups had a lot of free time. I used this time (when I wasn't playing Temple Run) to talk to some of the other OL's.

I have to say that I am just so incredibly excited about this semester. They're already friends in my mind. There's one guy that is gorgeous and he seemed really nice when I was talking to him. Then my new friend Seth told me that he founded and is CEO of his own company. I looked it up and the business is repairing surfboards. I died a little inside. Then I was telling Anna about it earlier and her new roommate's boyfriend apparently went to high school with him. He said the guy is a jerk that hooks up with younger girls just to have sex with them. He also said that he dated this girl and didn't let her talk to other guys and all kinds of stuff. So I'm glad that was shot in the butt before I even had the chance to develop a liking for him.

There is another guy I could possibly have my eye on. I'm not sure yet though. I don't want to rush myself. I'll let you know if anything happens though. Other than that, everyone is just so funny and nice. I'm really stoked for this weekend. We have a retreat from Friday until Sunday that's supposed to be tons of fun. I'm ready.

Other than that, not much is going on in my life. Besides all my shows coming back on TV!

...there's not much going on.

P.S. TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY IS THE DAY!!

Back in Action

Now Playing: Domino - Jessie J

Wow. I have been MIA from this thing for a long time. Whats funny is that my last post was on the day I left for break and this one is the first day I'm back on campus. I'm not sure why, but I just don't blog while I'm at home.

Anyway, now that I'm BIA (is that a real acronym?), thanks to a few different people who have asked me why I haven't blogged (including Kyla...this is your S/O big sis!), I am here to update!

I didn't have very many exciting things happen over the break. I hung out with some gorgeous boys with my friend Lauren one night, that was definitely cool. I turned 18!! I worked a lot, so I finally have money in the bank again. That feels really good. Other than that, I just slept a lot, which is ALWAYS nice.

In other news, I've decided that there is officially no point to my boy diet. It was a good idea, but I was still just waiting for some cutie to ask me out so I could jump at the chance. I mean, really. I would never even consider turning down a decent guy for my mental health. Thats absurd. I am, however, keeping the boy diet spirit alive. I only started it because I got upset when I didn't have guys throwing themselves at me. I didn't realize I was expecting that, but I just thought that maybe it would be different in college than it was in high school. I was never that girl that had guys all over her, or the girl that always had a boyfriend, or the girl that rejected guys on the regular (unless you count all the creeps and the "aye ma"'s that tried to talk to me...but I don't really. Every girl has creeps trying to...well...creep). Anyway, I just figured I'd be seen differently here, and that maybe I was just in the wrong place all that time. Maybe once I got away from all the ignorance that is my hometown, guys would be mature and see me as someone they could be with or talk to or hang out with or whatever.

Don't do that to yourself. Girl or guy, don't expect anything like that from masses people you don't even know. I set myself up for disappointment that way. So my point in all of that is, I will not be expecting anything to happen with anyone. If I happen to meet a guy that I like, I'll go for it. But I'm not anticipating finding a boyfriend this semester.

One more thing I want to talk about. There's an Orientation going on tomorrow and Tuesday and I'm helping out! My first Orientation as an official OL! I'm STOKED. The only downside is that I have to meet everyone at seven in the morning. Too. Early.

So on that note, I'm done. I have to finish putting all my stuff away still, take a shower and go to bed. Wish me luck tomorrow!

P.S. Don't forget, I've got goooood news that I'll be able to reveal in just 16 days! Rachal, if you're reading this, I'M SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED. For everyone else...muahahaha!